Last Christmas a family incident occured and bad things were said by my husband resulting in our immediate departure from my sisters house. While I did not condone what occured nor defend what he said, I attempted to open the door so that we could get things out in the open and begin healing. Both my parents are gone. I only have my sister and step mom who lives many many miles away. Well my attempt was met with a 5 page email from each of them informing me of what a piece of garbage they think he is, and always has been, providing examples as well. They have "put up with him" thus far, but refuse to acknowledge him ANY more and to them he is dead and not welcome to participate in anything as far as they are concerned.
They are by no means angels. My sister developed some deep seated hate for his family since we got married 25 years ago, and refused to come to our house for anything if they were there. As a result we could not have family birthday parties for our children, or we had to have two.
In the email letters, they poured on the guilt that if I did not agree to their exclusions, I would be the one abadoning the family. And the one's who would suffer would be her 5 year old son, and my two children(14, 8). I sought counceling for myself and shared the emails with my therapist. He believes my sister has a personality disorder and those individuals are the hardest to work with because they only see black and white. It was a very eye opening experience thinking back on how she talks about people, etc. For the time being I did not cut them off from calling my kids. I left the door open to discussion when they were ready to discuss things without making war.
In April I tried to send my nephew (5) presents for his birthday. That resulted in a how dare you email from my sister, that I am sending the wrong message to my nephew when I have abandonded my family. My counselor reviewed her response and indicated that the way she wrote it, still indicates she does not want healing, she wants war.
It is now a year later, and came a slew of Christmas gifts to my kids from them. I sent her a birthday card in October, and nothing was said about it.
It appears to me know that they have poisoned the rest of my family as I did not get one card from any of my aunts and uncles, and they have not returned my calls.
This tells me it is time to cut ties I guess. What advice is there for handling this with regard to my children. They don't quite understand what happened, and don't understand why my sister and step mom will not give their dad a chance to apologize.
It is eating me up inside. Of course I no longer have insurance that covers psychiatric care and am going to get more insurance cuts February when we change plans again.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, since I have no one to turn to.
Sue-Hypothyroid, Abdominal Adhesion Pain, No female parts, no gallbladder. Put a fork in me please!