Okay, get ready to listen to my situation.
There was this girl I met online. Believe what you want about
that but what really counts is how you feel about
that person. Well, in any case we were dating and everything was going well. She got drunk a lot because of a problem in the past but did not trust me enough at the time to tell me. I was alright with that. Later on she started saying that she was evil, had no heart or soul. She wasn't happy where she was. She was as depressed of a person as I was. The next day she confronted that she had cut herself thinking back to what she had done. I thought it was time to draw the line and tell her how I felt about
her. She may have been an alcoholic, smoker, a little evil so what I didn't care about
her weird or bad traits, it's how I truly felt of her that counted and made me feel real.
I haven't been happy my entire life. Severe depression and lonliness since I can remember. When I met her things changed for the better, and I felt something actually real for once. I felt like I mattered in this world. I felt like I had a purpose.
Sunday she told me that she had cut herself, thinking back to what she had done in the past. I told her the truth about
what I felt of her. I told her that I wanted to help her, that I was going to help her, I would do anything in my willpower to make her happy. I didn't want her feeling this way. I wanted her to just be happy. her being sad was tearing me up inside. I told her that I truly cared for her, greatly, and she felt the same for me. She was so alone where she was. No family to be with, she thought everyone hated her. I just wanted to comfort her but it didn't seem enough.
She ended the relationship saying she didn't want to see me get hurt. I told her I wouldn't be hurt if she let me help her be happy and get through her situations. i wanted to be there for her in every possible way I could. She said she needed to heal, but she was also talking of bad things. She said she was a bad person, she was useless, not worth anything, that I deserved better. I needed her to understand that none of this was true!
basically, I feel like I am in a nightmare. I can't wake up. I'm stuck. I felt as if it was my reason of life to help her, but I couldn't. I didn't. I failed. All I can feel now is wanting to help her. I didn't want to go back to being a nobody, back to feeling lonely, back to being depressed. it has happened though, and I feel as if I just don't exist anymore. I can't smile any longer, all I feel is pain and darkness. Corroded...
I need help now. I can't heal. I feal dead...
[I edited out a gentle, but potentially offensive curse--serafena]
Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 1/7/2010 9:26:03 AM (GMT-7)