Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am surprised that the doc hasn't put her on antidepressants due to her cancer. Generally they do. Maybe she just doesn't want to take them.
Remember when she is angry and blaming you, it is the depression talking, not herself. Though I know that this is hard, because words can hurt. Be patient with her, she will come around soon and realize that none of this is your fault. So please don't blame yourself. You are not at fault. You sound like a very kind and caring person and I don't want you to doubt that. When she blames you, like I said, it is the depression talking, not her.
Keep posting, we are all here for you. Maybe you could talk to her doctor and they might give her something for her moods. I know that she doesn't want to take antidepressants, but often we don't realize that we are feeling bad until we start feeling better. So talk to her about it. Let her know that what she says hurts you. Be open and honest. Love her.
Take care, keep posting as I said.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies