Hi. For Karen and all others who followed my major depressive episode last March, here's an update:
XMas 2008 - panic attacks, horrible depression, began escitalopram.
March 2009 - hospitalised for 3 wks for planning.
April to May - DBT (Dialectical behaviour
Training) through hospital out-patient.
June to present - see MSW to help manage anxiety and depression.
Oct to present - see Dr (GP who only does psychotherapy), changed to citalopram, and added bupropion (Wellbutrin XL).
Only when I hit rock bottom was I ready to change, and only by admitting my sucidal plans did the mental health 'doors'
open up for me.
30+ years (since childhood) of anxiety, intense obsessing, low self esteem, fear of rejection, seemed to have caused my dysthymia, and my several major depressive episodes (including one past attempt, almost successful, and several plans). So I saw myself as a depressed person, which worsened my anxiety, et cetera. Perceived rejection from a woman, or in my occupations, were powerful triggers.
Interventions were a combo of meds and therapy.
I've made incredible changes in my thinking and responding. Techniques learned, and regular support from my MSW, were key. And the bupropion (causes me to increase dopamine) coats my feelings with Teflon. I don't overreact inside to any negative comments, even from my wife. I still feel sadness, hurt or irritation, but don't become consumed by them.
I was amazed at how quickly and effectively bupropion worked. It's not a 'fix', but it makes my daily emotional rollarcoaster easier to manage. I'll be on it, and citalopram, for another year or so, practising the management of my anxiety, obsessiveness, esteem, and depression. I'll stop when I can do it on my own.
Every day is a struggle, and thoughts of occasionally creep back. Some days are easier, some not, and other days I have to drag myself through. Yet I have hope.
Depression is so misunderstood by those lucky enough not to have it. But I don't care if they don't get it.
Thanks for reading and responding to my posts. This site was important to me, especially during last March, my darkest hours.
Karen, I hope your journey has been good of late. If Raniah is back, then thanks again for your support.
To all, Happy New Year!
I wish you all well.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/1/2010 10:24:18 PM (GMT-7)