Thanks for this great forum. I simply wanted to let others know that there is always hope. I have been suicidal twice in my life. While my most recent episode was most definitely the worst and closest I came to ending it all, I'm still here today. I drove really fast many days, planned various ways to do the deed, went from sleeping all the time to no sleep at all, couldn't focus on anything, couldn't do anything, but still went to work.
I've read a couple self-help books and have found a couple of quotes or things that really hit home with me. Perhaps they will help someone else and so I offer my thoughts here. Please remember that suicidal thoughts are temporary. There is help and support available for everyone. Sometimes the trouble is knowing where to find it, how to take the first step, and feeling like you're worth it.
"Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem." I have to keep this in mind. I find it helps to put this phrase in places only I visit and can see it as a reminder in those times when I'm not as strong. Right now I'm in a better state of mind. I take each day one at a time. These are my goals:
1. Find things to look forward to and that I enjoy in life; for me so far that is reading and exercise, but this is proving challenging for me nonetheless. It's that whole selfish feeling I guess.
2. Be more social to try to find friends to avoid feeling isolated; a major challenge for me. I haven't made any real friends yet. open for suggestions on this one.
3. Try to keep active and busy so my mind does not go to dark places or obsess.
4. Try not be so judgemental or black and white in my thinking. Examples: a) I shared emotions with another married man; therefore, I am a bad person and I must be like my dad (he had an affair, lied all the time). b) I didn't shower all weekend or do anything constructive; therefore, I am worthless and nobody cares anyway. WRONG WRONG WRONG
I like to tell myself I'm a work in progress. I hope something I offer helps at least one other person. That's what this is really about, right?
"The past does not define you, the present does."
— Jillian Michaels