Having Step children is a nightmare for lifetime.

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Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 1/27/2010 11:40 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Everyone,


I need a major advise in my life right now, I ‘m 27 years old married to a 47 years old man.

We have been married for last 5 ½ years now and I had 2 step boys ( 14 & 17+ now) from my husband ex- wife , ..that I have been taking care of.

The children were badly spoiled when I got married and I tried my best to make them good in everything but they were just too stubborn. Now recently I had a baby boy and my life suddenly took a new turn, where all my anxiety and depression was gone. But recently the elder step son starting giving us a lot og hard time, even during my pregnancy he was just creating unpleasantness in the house.


Now that it became so worst that every time we scold him, he starting abusing us or became very disrespectful. Not only that his mother also got involved and made the situation worst. She while having an argument with my husband said, how come he got spoiled in your custody and when my husband told her that he was already spoiled in her custody time …………..and she gave him a reply back in anger that “ THAT WOMEN YOU HAVE IN YOUR HOUSE AND THAT CHID WHICH YOU JUST HAD SHOULD GET INSECT IN THEIR BODY “.


After all that what happened I have been so angry and depressed that , I don’t want to take care of her kids anymore, all these years I took care of them as their real mother , did everything from my pure heart and showed all my good concern for them. All this was just for my husband that he doesn’t suffer without his kids. But now I’m so fed up of all the nonsense going on .


We have already decided to send the older boy to his mother but I don’t even want his you second son also. I want that their own mother take of them and see how it feels to handle teenager, as she is so thankless that she had the audacity to says something so bad for me and my baby who is just 2 months old.

How dare is said that and thought that I will still keep her children and will raise them still.


But when I asked my husband to send him also , he said that he will never do that and will give up on me but not his second son.


I really want to live my life now, I had my own baby after 5 year because I was taking care of his children and now I want to live my life peacefully and happily with no issue in my life.


I sometime get the feeling that I should leave him as I will never be happy after all these years I was in depression and I don’t want to go through that again.


Pls advice what should I do , stay with him ?? leave him ?? pls


Now recently , the older son has misbehaved again and we have decised to send him to his mother to CA. But the issue is that his mother is planning to come back to New Jersey where we stay and will make our life hell by asking my husband to still take care of the older son.


She will try her to make our life hell in any whiwhch way , maybe trough the younger son as he is growing too as a teenager , who can get along w/ his mother like the older son did.


I dont know what to do at this point  , talk to my husband .........or just keep quit and see what happen and be prepared for  the consquences.


I love my husband very much but at the same time i need peace and happiness in my life.


Pls advice as your opnions will help me a lot ..........




getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 1/27/2010 12:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Shobna,
I think that the best thing you can do is just take care of your little one.  Try to ignore what she says, it is senseless.  She wants to hurt you but can only do so if you let her.  I feel bad for the boys, as they are truly not happy with either parent.  They definately sound spoiled, but it is the parents to blame.  Both of them must be making bad decisions.  So your husband is at just as much fault as his ex.
Know that they are going to always be a part of your life, and they might not appreciate you now, but will when they get older and realize how hard that you tried to help them.  That is just the way it is with teenagers.  So what seems so difficult now, will get better with time.
You have to forget what the ex said about you and your baby.  I know that it is hard and it hurts, but she is going to be jealous no matter what.  It sounds like she is very immature.  But it sounds like your husband shoudl not have told you what she said.  That was immature on his part. 
There are a lot of years between you and your husband.  There are sixteen years between me and my husband, so I know how it is living with an older man.  It can be good for the most part, but it can be difficult as you have different views on life.  But I am not saying that it wont work out.  I am very happy in my marriage.  We have had issues with his children, but they always work out.  His boys really like me so that helps.  And there isn't an ex to get in between.  Just remember that the boys are always going to be a part of his life.  That will not change.  There will be other issues coming up, but I think if you focus on your baby and yourself, it will all work out.  Ignore the ex.  That is the best thing.
I hope that things get better for you and your family.  Don't look down on the teenager because of the ex.  It doesn't sound like your husband is going to give up on him, so you should try to accept that he is going to be a part of the family.  ONe day at a time, that is my motto. 
Best wishes,
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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