Would you like to know what I think, lovable? (and yes, you are!).
I am wondering if perhaps you are defining happiness as achievements, rather than as an emotional state.
* a job is not happiness. A job will not make you happy, if you are depressed or naturally unhappy. What it *might* do is give some structure to your day, and provide you with some social stimulation and help improve some of your depression symptoms.
* a relationship will not make you happy. In fact, if you go into a relationship because you *need* to feel loved, there's a good chance you are either going to drive the fellow away, or end up in a damaging and upsetting relationship because you are so wanting to feel loved that you'll put up with behaviour
that you wouldn't put up with, had your self-esteem been higher.
* children will not make you happy. In fact, the loss of sleep and demands of caring for very young children might even worsen your depression symptoms for a while.
Somehow, and yes, I do know that this is hard, a person needs to find a way of achieving a happy state in themselves, instead of seeking to find it from external factors. Yes, external things like jobs and relationships can help improve your mood, but they will not automatically make you happy: that has to come from within.
Have you ever read a book called "The Rules"? There's a lot in that boook that I don't agree with, but there are a few tips in there that you might find helpful, such as how to manage this sort of neglectful behaviour
in a man. I won't tell you more, but you might like to borrow a copy of the book from your local library, and see what you think of it for yourself.
imho, a lot of these self-esteem, love etc-related ideas are cliches rather than rules that can guide your life. Perhaps it might help you to stop thinking of yourself as loveable or not loveable. You are YOURSELF, and YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Yes, you have a lifelong medical condition that is holding you back - most of us do here, and have some understanding of what you feel - but everyone is damaged in some way, and you also have attributes that should be celebrated.
I've noticed one or two already, and I rather suspect that other people do too
Sometimes you need to get rid of a destructive relationship in your life to allow a new and better one to begin.
All the very best to you. Remember, a tree is still tall and strong and beautiful, even if it's in the middle of the forest and nobody ever notices. A forest would never be a forest were it not for all those individual and unnoticed trees... and one day, you never know, a gorgeous hiker may come along and picnic beneath your boughs
and appreciate you for just how lovely you are.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum. Medications for Crohn's
~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's
~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae