If you don't want to go to counseling, try going to your family doctor and let them know what is going on. You may need medication. But I want you to know that counseling really does help. I go monthly. And many of us also go. It makes a world of difference.
I am sorry that you are struggling so. Life is hard sometimes, but it does get better. I hope that you can realize that. There are just bumps in the road that we have to go over, then it smooths out.
Please keep posting and know that we are here for you.
PS, sorry to hear about your mom. Grief is a funny animal. There is no set time or way. It is all within the individual. You could still be grieving. Grief counseling would really help you. And know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Embrace it, feel it, and then move on. But like I say, there is no set time, so you could still be grieving her and that is okay.