upset and angry. nothing i can do..

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/5/2010 3:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I figure you guys may be able to give me some advice on some of this, as most of you are older than me and probably know more about this kind of stuff. Warning: it is quite long, and for that I apologize.
Im very frustrated and upset. I suppose I could start with my parents. Some of you know I dont get along well with them. They fight a lot. Well, my mom has threatened to move out before, but she never did it. Well, now, she already has a place lined up and has told people about her leaving my dad. Most everyone knows, except my dad. The thing is, he is self-employed and doesnt make much to begin with, since he does lawn care, he doesnt work in the winter.. My mom buys and pays for a lot of stuff. Im worried that when my mom leaves, my dad wont be able to afford all the luxuries we have (cable, internet, cell phones, etc), but mostly I am worried about our house. This really isnt something an 18y/o should be worrying about, her family losing their home. But, my dad cant afford to pay everything on his own. He is quite stubborn and wont even get another job. I may be 18, but I know that I would get a job doing something anything as long as it meant providing for my family. So, I dont understand why he wont do the same.
So, Im worried he wont be able to afford it, and will lose our house. This is especially upsetting because when I came home from the hospital, this is the house I came home to. We have never moved. All my memories and everything are in this house. Its the only place I have ever known and I never want to lose it. Not to mention, my dad is an only child and doesnt have any family... Im not sure he would even have a place to go if he lost the house.
My friend who some of you know is pregnant... she has said it is okay if I move in with her. I spend a lot of time at her house anyways... and when the baby is born I will be keeping him anyways so... also, its very convenient. Its close to campus. Its close to my doctors and such. The thing is.. neither of us have jobs. She get food stamps and welfare. I try to help her out as much as I can. She has a 2room appartment. One room for her son who is going to be sharing it with the baby. And her room, which is where I would stay. Its a small place, but I would not have bills here. Although, I would pay half or more of everything anyways, as long as I could. I go to school so I am not gone very much. And she is trying to get her GED and go to college. We have talked about fixing our schedules so that one of us will be here to take care of the boys at all times. I would also like to get a job soon to make sure that I can pay everything I need. I have to stretch my school money to get by. I dont like that feeling of insecurity. Not to mention with the new baby, I will most likely be paying for most stuff.
Its a complicated situation. And Im sure many of you would think I were crazy for what I do. But, I love her little boy like my own.. and the one of the way is more "ours" than anything. I know she needs to take responsibility for her life and kids, but I love them and if she cant care for them, I will. They need someone in theirs lives to look up to and use as an example, ya know?... I wouldnt mind this with her. But, like I said, I have only ever lived in the same house. I dont want my dad to lose it when my mom leaves.
Im so upset and frustrated because there isnt anything I can do. Naturally, I always want to help people and do what I can, but this time there is nothing I can do. I want my mom to leave because she has been unhappy for so long and she deserves to be happy. I know it would help if she moved out. But, it wont help my dad. And may cause us to lose our house and tear our family apart. I dont work and I go to school. I cant afford to pick up the slack. I wont feel sorry for my dad because he should get a job... I love him and I dont want anything bad to happen, but he is an adult and should take more responsibility.
Im just not sure what I am supposed to do. I had a terrible relationship with my parents. My mom and I have improved. My dad and I have gotten worse. My mom wants to leave(and my little sister). My dad doesnt work and cant afford the bills. So, we could end up losing the only house I have ever known. He could end up homeless because he has nowhere to go. I have this baby on the way that I want to focus my attention on. And my friend has given me the okay to move in and stay with her. Not to mention, I am having to keep up with school which has become very difficult. My depression is starting to overcome me once again and I feel I am on he path to losing myself all over again. And everything else as well. I go to bed at night thinking about all of this and wondering what I am supposed to do. Theres nothing I can do. But, I dont want to just leave and stay with my friend and take care of the would be like abandoning my family(who will be torn apart anyways).
I dont like being stuck in this situation. I always look for ways to help, but this time theres no way, theres nothing I can do to make this better. And its pulling me down. I guess I just needed to vent ALOT... but if anyone has any advice or anything, thats very much accepted. Thanks for listening. Take Care
Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Cymbalta 6-6-09(horrible effects), Rozerem, Melatonin, Currently taking: Prozac 40mg (July 09), Trazadone 100mg (Sept 09), Focalin XR 5mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Wellburtin XL 150mg-Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorder, ADHD, Dysthymic Disorder, OCD
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42607
   Posted 2/5/2010 4:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Does your school money support you?  If not, it sounds like you need to look for a part time job.  Either way, you will have to pay your way.  Especially if you choose not to live with your mom. 
Your dad will have to work this out on his own.  Maybe he can get some assistance from some government program.  He is faced with this, not you.  But I would look out for yourself by getting some form of employment. 
I am sorry that your mom is leaving, but it sounds like this is what she needs to do to be happy.  I know that you are worried about your dad.  If you choose to live with him, you will definately have to work to help pay the bills so he can keep his home.  It feels kind of bad that he is going to be the last one to learn what is going on. 
You do a lot of volunteer work, so working for money would be a bonus.  Do you know of any places that you can find a job?  At the hospital maybe?  You could go to an employment place, I am sure that there is one around there, they can help you to find work.  That is if that is what you need, I am imagining that your school money might run out.  I am not sure what you mean.  If it is something that you get on a regular basis, or if it is something that you got in a lump sum that was left over. 
I am so sorry for what you are going through, it is a hard situation.  And I am sure that it is adding to your stress.  But try to take it one day at a time.  Decide what is going to be most practical for you.  I know that you want to be there for the children.  But always remember, they are your friend's children.  You are there by choice, trying to help them.  Through all of this, you have to remember to do what is right for you and your future.  What is going to  help you the most, remembering that you have to think about school and your future career.  Going to school is most important for you.  Which situation will you be most relaxed with so that you can concentrate.  What are you the most comfortable with?  Knowing your home is familiar, you may have to adjust to something new, and that is okay.  You can do that.  Does your mom want you to stay with her?  Will that be best for you financially?  There is a lot to go over.  Talking with your counselor would help you a lot.  I can't begin to come up with a solution for you, just a few things for you to think about.  This is really effecting you.  I know that it can't be easy. 
We will try to help you with a solution, and if not that, a ton of support.  But most of all, think about what is going to help you and your future.  What is it that you want the most.  Or what do you need the most.  It sounds like another bump in the road, but you will have a lot of them throughout life, we just learn to deal with that and move on.  It can be done. 
I hope that this has helped you some.  I hope that things work out for your father too.  I know that you are worried, but it might be time for him to look out for himself. 
Take care Christi,
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/7/2010 3:17 AM (GMT -6)   
karen has given you some sound wisdom. hopefully you father gets some work. i did what you are planning to do for your family, my father left when i was 2 and when my step dad left i was 15, i quit school and took on full-time work. i sacrificed a lot, i went back to school in my mid twenties, yeah an excellent work history, albeit i had to catch up academically, socially, etc. this is a tough road to hoe, you are in a rock and a hard place, thus i would chose my options carefully. sorry about mum and dad, and sorry how it is affecting you as well. my thoughts are with you. jamie

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