Pointless

Can you talk to your counselor about this? You have a wife that obviously loves you, please talk to her. Spouses can be amazing support. They can be your best friend as well.

What are your interests? Myself, I'm a sci fi/fantasy junkie and have found some great online forums to join in conversation. It can help fill the void.

---

Jon,  Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease, Depression, & Celiac Disease forums

 

"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet 

Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: https://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Hi Still_Lost,

I am Karen, and I would like to welcome you to the forum. I am sorry that I came in late, but just got here.

It sounds like you are severly depressed right now. Do you have a doctor that you could call? A counselor? Have you tried a mental health hotline?

Jon is right, you need to get some interests. Is there anything that you enjoy doing in your spare time? Sports, computer games, reading? Anything?

I know that you feel like you are in a black hole sometimes and that there is no way out. Or like the world is closing in on you. But that can change in a moment. You can learn to change your way of thinking and learn to see the brighter side of thing.

I understand that you are married and that your wife loves you very much. Think of what this does to her when you give up hope. She probably wants to be there for you. Do you guys talk ever about things? Can you open up to her? You need to find somebody that you can talk to. We are here for you, but I don't know if we can help you as much as you need. Though we will always be here.

PLease call somebody to talk to.

And keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen

---

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Thanks Karen and Jaimie.

Karen, I really appreciate your response.  Not sure about things at all.  I try to put on a good front as it seems to be what people want.  It really bothers me not to be in control of my emotions etc..  Seems really stupid but it is like all I really need is someone to talk to and confide in besides my wife.  My brothers and sister have never been really close so that doesn't seem like an option and I just don't bond with males.

My wife always feels threatened if I talk (communicate) with females, but they are the only one I can really open up to.  Males just seem to be interested in competition etc... etc... where females really listen, but they are not an option for me either now.

::(

I think I felt hurt more than anything. I really wasn't talked to a lot about my situation. The doctor put me on medication which really acted bad for me. The medication made me act like I was drunk and I said and did things that I don't remember. Late one night I communicated with a friend, I don't remember doing it or what was said; however, she felt scared for me and contacted my wife. The next day my wife, along with my siblings, just came out to me and told me that they were taking me and having me committed. Needless to say, I FREAKED. I refussed to have them do it and I actually drove (2hours) to the hospital myself. I was told that it would be a 3 day evaluation, but when I got put in the next morning they came and told me that it would be a minimum of 3 weeks.

I FREAKED AGAIN...

When I realized what was going on and why people were conserned I figured it out that my medication was the cause. I refussed to take it anymore and things improved. The first place I was hospitalized was really bad, but I was only there 2 days and they transferred me to another place. THANK GOD.. becuae that doctor listened to me and understood what I was trying to tell him. He kept me 4 more days and realized that it was the medication and released me on a probationary leave. I have returned a couple of times for evaluation but haven't had to stay anymore. My wife was mad at me because I was chatting with a friend (who is female and 21). She classified it as an affair and wanted to kick me out. The person I was talking to was only someone that we could talk. None of our talk was sexual or anything like that and she lives 2000 miles away so no chance of meetings etc... We talked about her getting married because her family was a bit against it... her plans etc... my situation (being fired) my daughters disability etc...
She could relate so much because her fiance's parents adopted a child with simillar problems, so it was so good to talk to someone about what our family was feeling.
Being told I was cheating really hit me hard and added to everything..

Now I have to deal with me being in the hospital and what people think... I hate it..

I am a female.

You can think about it this way. You have us now. Nobody really knows eachother so it is easier to talk. You are not judged here and we all support each other.

If your wife is feeling the slightest bit insecure, then you talking to females is going to bother her. She probably feels like she should be able to be there for you. But you are feeling that she doesn't understand. And maybe she doesn't.

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. I hope that you have the resources to help you. You need plenty of support and an understanding ear. But you have to put work into this too. You need to find the right medications, if need be. And you need somebody professional to help you.

We do understand. I don't know why you are not comfortagle talking to males. Maybe your issues are that deep that you feel they can't comprehend what you are feeling. Often we feel too deep. And that is a difficult place to go. I often don't even go there with myself. Because I spend too much time questioning things.

I hope that you feel better soon. And remember that we all are here for you.

Hugs, Karen

---

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

I don't think that any of us know what 'normal' is really. You just have to take life one day at a time and deal with it that way. It isn't always easy, and yes, it does take time. We learn as we go. One day at a time...

I use to spend so much time thinking, that I wasn't living. Now I don't think so much. I just take things as they come and it is a lot easier for me that way. I can't remember the last time I unnecessarily worried about something, and I did that all the time before.

Just deal with one thing at a time. Take the time to work on what is on your plate at that moment. Write the other stuff down and worry about it when you get to it. By writing it down, you are storing it. Such as, you said, people don't listen. Well, listen to yourself. Others worry about themselves. They are not required to listen to us. But we can listen to us. If you have a problem, write it down with the other things that you write down. Store it in a safe place, and when it is time to deal with it, do so, and then cross it off of the list. This teaches us to be in the here and now. Then we are only focussing on one thing at a time. You learn to problem solve and then you are living life. Try to accomplish one thing a day. I know that it isn't easy and your energy level isn't up to par. Do you walk? Try taking a walk each day. No matter how short or long. Notice everything around you. Listen to the noises, look at the sights. Say hello to people if you see them. Even if you only go for five minutes. When you are done, write it down. Write down what you remember about that walk. And think of it as something accomplished. Reward yourself with something. Or take a rest. Then move on to the next thing on your list.

Another thing that helps is meditation. It calms and centers you. There is so much that you can do for yourself that doesn't take medications or counseling, though I highly recommend both. But you can work on your own too.

I hope that things work out for you and your wife. I hope that you guys can connect and that things will be good for you both.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen

---

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Remember, practice makes perfect. Just like meditation, even though you are practicing it, you are actually doing it. So keep trying. You will get there. I don't know how old you are, but with age, comes wisdom and experience. I guess I am at that age where I don't worry anymore. Things will come to you in time. You are trying and that is what matters.

I don't know if you are doing what you are for attention or not. But that is probably just a part of you. Embrace that and yourself and know that you are a good person. I think that reaching out shows that.

Best wishes for you to have a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen

---

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

hey still_lost, jamie, male, 37,

one thing karen has taught me is about 'the here and now'. keep reaching out. jamie.

---

YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)

 

DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

 

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

You haven't done anything wrong. It is just in how you perceive your life. Maybe you have to learn to look at it differently. Try to find the good points. It really can change your perspective on things.

---

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Still_Lost,

With your wife's insecurity about you emailing other women, I don't think it would be wise if we email. I don't want to make her anymore insecure. But I am more than happy to talk to you on the forum with any questions or concerns that you might have.

I feel that you need to establish a more secure relationship with your wife. Learn to talk with her about things. You don't want to ruin a relationship over this. She must be a wonderful woman as you have chosen her to be your mate.

I hope that things work out for the two of you. A good relationship is worth working on. So please continue to try to make her feel secure in your relationship.

Know that you can always come here for support.

Hugs, Karen

---

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

I feel like I am losing my mind.
Yesterday I noticed a lot of dust in our house, so I came down stairs to check the furnace filter. It had been removed and was sitting beside the furnace. I have no idea how or why I would have ever done that, but no one else in our house would know how to do it so it must have been me.

I am going crazy

how can i be so stupid?

how can things chenge so much in such a short time? I dont think doctors can help