I know yall think i'm a horrible person.

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/15/2010 5:40 AM (GMT -6)   
My wife is in the hospital,AGAIN. She has many health issues, but they are calling this "major depression". I don't know what to call it, but it is getting really tuff to care at this point. For months now all she has done is slept ALL the time. She gets up only to eat or go to the bathroom. I'm starting to think that my children and I would be better off without her around. I know what you all think, "You should be supportive of your spouce during her hard times. Stop being so selfish, you big meanie." Well letme tell you, it's just all kinds of fun for me and my sympathy is getting pretty well beat out by my need to get on with life. I do everything anway while she lays in bed snoring and stinking. we seem to be doing well without her now that shes in the hospital. I am thinking about telling the doctors and therapists that i don't want her to come home. Thenshe will be their problem. Yes I'm  a horribly terrible person, but I can only take so much.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 2/15/2010 6:33 AM (GMT -6)   
this is when you need to dig deep. yeah depression sucks, especially when it gets to this level. i think what could help you is trying to get her involved in things when she gets home. are you involved in her treatment, by this i mean do you now what medications she is on, and or now of what the doctors have suggested to help her improve. you are far from being a bad person, sounds more like you are at your wits end are are geninely concerned for your family. depression is a medical condition, and becuse of it's debilitating properties it has major effects on families. i think your kids need to know that mum is unwell, obvoiusly you would age appropriate language. i feel for you emmensly, and from someone who has been mentally unwell the majority of my life i also feel for your depressed partner. i send my healing compassion to you all. jamie

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 2/15/2010 7:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes it is hard to watch them just sink into depression and sleep all the time...they act like they don't care and maybe it is because they can't care. Maybe she needs supported housing of somekind who knows. Group living arrangement. Where they can be monotered on an hourly basis. Time away might be the answer at this time but it dosen't mean forever. Medication can only do just so much and then it is up to the indivdual. I have be there and back again but with support I came through it and am able to share and I am glad that people cared for me. I wasn't able to care for myself at the time. It also strengthend my relationship with my other half because I saw how much they cared. Just a thought.....

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 291
   Posted 2/17/2010 10:30 AM (GMT -6)   
itsmywifescat, how is your wife doing?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 2/17/2010 3:01 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't agree with your generalization about everyone here. We are all individuals & have had different experiences. We have our own opinions.

I certainly don't think you are a "horrible person". I'm not sure many members think that. But you are without a doubt facing very trying times. Whether your wife has MDD, something else or a combination of things, the reality is that she is not able to contribute to your relationship or family right now. Perhaps it would be in everyone's interest for you to take some time away from her to spend with your children. I would encourage you to talk with a counselor or clergy before making that decision as a separation comes with its own set of challenges.

I agree with the others that once your wife gets on the proper treatment she will be back to her old self. But sometimes that can take a while. For me, I was put on the worst possible treatment regimen for my illness & the depression took a turn for the much worse. My family refused to talk to me, almost all of my friends wrote me off & it was a dark time in my life. But I was glad to feel like at least I wasn't taking anyone down with me. Once they finally figured out what the underlying cause of the depression was, I got on treatment & started getting better within the week. A year later, I was back to my normal self -- not happy 100% of the time, but back to work, back to caring about & visiting with friends & family, back to keeping up with housework, etc. I could be happy & active again -- something I had given up all hope of accomplishing when I was really depressed.

So I would encourage you to have hope for the long term, but if after carefully considering your options - ideally with the help of a professional - you determine that for a while it would be better to raise your children on your own, it may be that is the best option in your case.

wishing you well,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 2/17/2010 3:45 PM (GMT -6)   
I definately do not think you are a bad person. I think you are tired and frusterated. Dealing with an ill person is not fun. Obviously it seems to be rather detrimental for your relationship, so obviously professional help might be a good idea here.

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 2/18/2010 4:25:53 PM (GMT-7)

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/19/2010 9:47 PM (GMT -6)   
you just need to keep in mind that she cant control this.  it may seem like shes doing this on purpose or that she can snap out of this at any time but in reality shes just struggling to open her eyes. we may not get physical symptoms like a rash or sore throat but this is still as much of a disease as anything else.  i'm not angry with you for feeling this way at all. i understand that this situation is hard and not what you need in your life but you have to remember, no body wants to be depressed.  she needs you. you dont have to take care of her all the time, you just have to exist! when this is over (and it will be over) she will be grateful that you were there for her. stay strong!
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