Okay, so I've been told all my life that I should be the happiest person alive because I have a loving family and am successful in life, blah blah blah, all that.. But what people fail to see about me is that I'm a failure. Nothing really every works out for me.
I've lost almost every friend I've ever had this year. I can't have fun around people anymore... It's just... Empty.. I don't know. Nothing that I do is ever fun, except maybe read because it takes me out of this world.. Half the time I don't care, but times like right now I do because I'm out of one of those depressive stages.. My own parents think I've done this since 7th grade just to get attention... But I don't get how they can still say that after all these years. This was supposed to be the best year of my life, last year of high school, all that jazz, and it's turned out to be the worst. Everything that I've worked toward is just falling apart, and now my grades are dropping..
I hate failing, yet I fail at everything. I don't think things are ever going to get past this point. I wish I could just escape. I've wished that forever it seems.. I don't know. I'm out of hope for the future. Even college is beginning to look like a bust.. And now I'm turning antisocial, and I CAN'T DO ANYTHING about it!! Everytime I walk into school depression just grips me and I can't think or move or talk or do anything! I don't know why it keeps happening. I've always had these little episodes, but lately they've just been getting worse and worse and I feel like I'm going insane!!
Sorry for all this ranting... It's just... Well, you know. I just need help, but I'm afraid to get it and afraid of opening up in life.. Thanks for reading..