just needs someone to talk to ....

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 2/23/2010 6:58 PM (GMT -6)   

I havent had a very easy life i have always had issues with my family and things like that... when i was 13 i found out that my father was not my birth father and since he wasnt he wanted nothing to do with me.... my mother lied to me about all of it... and she ended up getting with this guy who beats her and treats her like crap and has totally changed her ..... we used to be exctremely close but since all of that we barely speak and its rough not having a father and a mother...and then about 3 years ago my grandfather who was the last person i could turn to passed away of a massive heart attack, which was completely out of the blue,,, he was a very healthy person. So about a week after he passed away i started throwing up and becoming shakky .. i thought i was pregnant maybe or i dont know... but then one day i had a horrible panic attack i felt like my heart was gona explode .. like i was gona pass out... i thought i was dying ....and i then realized what was going on with me so i went to the doc. and they diagnosed me with panic disorder .... i had probably 3 panic attacks every couple days and they were getting worse... i lost alot of weight from throwing up so much ... i stoped going places that i used to because of the fear that it would happen in public which it did sometimes and it only made it worse... then i was put on lexapro 20mg which helped i started getting better although i still had the panic attacks just not as much........ but i was constantly worried about dying... if i had a headache i had a tumor... if my stomach hurt i had appendicitis.. u name it i had it..... i couldnt stop worrying..and on top of all this i was getting ready to graduate highschool... but eventually it subsidded and i started being myself again although i never went to parties anymore but i did still hang out with friends and i felt better about myself... i went to college and was getting great grades making friends joining groups ... life was good....thenabout 3 months ago i had a really bad sinus infection which caused me to miss a week of school and made me worry about having meningitis... ya i kno stupid.. i ended up in the hospital just to make sure and they told me that i was fine... so my life went on.. but then i found out that i was no longer going to be able to continue going to school because of the money so i had to drop out... which was horrible .. i loved school.... and then weeks went by where i had absolutely nothing to do but sit in the house... because of the weather ... and i had no school or no job... so of course with all the time on my hands i began to fall back into the panic mod.. i worried about everything started having panic attacks again regularly , and i just felt like everything was falling apart... then i was put on zoloft and i just completely stoped my lexapro and went to that.. and one day i realized that i felt sooo weird like i was in a dream and everything was not real or i was dead or something....of course i knew that i was real and so was everyone else but it scared the crap out of me... and it wouldnt go away .....now ive gota a job... the feeling real thing is a bother it drives me crazy .. infact i fear of going insane.. but i try to hold my head high but i end up calling off work bc of how i feel and then i feel mad at myself for letting it get to me............so i was thinking that if i switched back to lexapro id be better b/c i didnt feel so unreal when i was on the lexapro so i did and then i had horrible withdrawls from the the zoloft so now im back to that..... its just horrible i want to be myself again.... i want to live.... i love life .....i hate switching meds all the time ... i hate even being on them at all.... i want friends again.......i have none.....i dont do anything.... i am depressed b/c of all this and it sucks im only 20 yrs old i cant live like this but i want soo badly to be myself again......... please dont tell me to see a therapist thats not what i want to hear i just need someone to talk to ... and my therapist never helped anything but made it worse......i just need to vent and to talk to someone who knows exaclty how i feel

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 2/23/2010 7:32 PM (GMT -6)   
loner12345 , cone the depression chat room to chat , perhaps we can run into each other there .
HIV+ also Hep c , need hip replacement surgery on hold because of cellulitus  .most pain from hip condition and cellulitus .hands numb may have carpal tunnel syndrome now .             .Medecines - Oxycontin , percocet , Oxycondone , Celelbrex ,Avalox , lasix .

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/23/2010 7:35 PM (GMT -6)   
It is only natural that we are going to recommend you to see a therapist. That is what you need. If you don't like the one that you got, get a different one. You just might not click with the one that you have now. Therapy is very important. And if you want to get better, that is what you are going to do.

Coming here is good too. You do find people that understand how you feel. We are here for support to you.

You need to work on your anxiety, to be able to make it to work. That is where therapy comes in handy. You can learn how to control your anxiety. In fact, we have a wonderful anxiety and panic forum, you should really check it out. If you haven't already. The members there are very understanding and would have some good tips for you as to controlling the anxiety that you are experiencing.

I hope that you feel better soon, and that you will be able to go to work.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 2/23/2010 9:56 PM (GMT -6)   

I was just your age 20, when I lost my grandmother. Loved her more than anyone else in the world. It was probably the worst time of my life. I felt VERY unreal and I know that is such a strange feeling. I also felt very much outside of myself as though I were watching myself go through the motions. This is a horrible time that you are going through now. I spent some time in a similar state. But know that it WILL pass. I went on to have a really wonderful life. Unfortunately, I do suffer from bouts of depression. They are just spots in my life and do not consume all of it.
The best therapy for me is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The other therapy just honestly made me more depressed. People have different needs when they go for therapy. You might look into the different types. They are not all the same and also each individual therapist is different.
Wishing you the best!


New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/23/2010 11:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah check out a therapist. I would love to see one, personally. I don't have very many issues in my life, but I have a tendency to internalize a lot of my feelings which is never a great thing. In fact, I blame my heart problems(and I am only 20) on stress because I never talked to anyone about anything. Haha, and you're not going to go insane. I think we all think that at some point in our life. Let your troubles become your inspiration. Hook yourself up with a therapist. Get better and then become a therapist of your own! After my heart incident, I am going to go into cardiology :).

-P.S. If you lived where I lived, I would be more than happy to listen to you vent :). Either way, just try to find something that works best for you. Have you tried exercising, new sports(mountain biking will make you feel amazing...the people are very nice too, always!), volunteering, etc. I am the most shy person in the world, and I decided to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. I couldn't believe how nice the people were. Just give it a shot. I know what it's like to be down in the dumps and beaten around. This stuff won't continue to happen to ya though. It's mathematically improbable! If you are willing to try different avenues to get rid of depression, please please please try volunteering. I am not a social person, nor a group person, yet I felt very happy being around those people and I definitely will be going back. Just a tip from experience ;)

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 2/24/2010 11:59 AM (GMT -6)   
thanks to all of u .... i love to hear that i am not alone i nthe way that i feel and there is hope :) life can sometimes be a drag.. but i love it and i want to live life to the fullest... i hope this happens for me... and KURTZP the volunteering thing sounds great infact i called around asking about places to volunteer bc i know that would make me happy to help others but ... i set up an apointment and ended up not going bc of my anxiety i was worried about have an attack while i was there... then i just felt horrible for not going... so im still gona give it a try...i just hope things get better im ready to live

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 2/25/2010 2:34 AM (GMT -6)   
you are on the right track!! with compassion, jamie.

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