I don't want to sound like a whiny , So i'm sort of hesitant posting on here. :/
I understand their are dozens upon dozens of others in the world far worse off on this planet, which is why my problems seem so insignifigant to me. :/ But...
It's so hard to breathe. It feels like theirs this huge weight, pressing down on my chest, and I don't understand. I don't understand why I'm so sad, all the time.
And I just HATE me. You know? I go through these periods where I won't eat for days, then when i'm home alone i just eat, and eat, and eat. Then I feel disgusting and fat, and berate and belittle myself, for hours.
I'm bi; It hurts to know my parents, (Who divorced when i was 4-ish) probably will never accept that, or that they will assume it's just a phase. It darn well isn't a phase, its who i AM. :[
My friend says she understands that everyone has self-fear; People are afraid of themselves. But she hates the fact that for me, it goes so much deeper, 'till it became self-hate. She said a, "beautiful girl like me should think that way about herself; it hurts to watch" And i cried for 2 hours, because im NOT beautiful, nor will i ever be.
My stupid mom hates me, i'll never be good enough, my sisters are all better. I'm the youngest of 4 girls, and people always assume that the youngest is coddled and spoiled, but that isnt the case for my family. I get tossed to the side and ignored constantly; If I don't do perfect, it gets blown out of preportion, but if I DO do well, its unaknowledged, as it's not as if my sisters haven't already done it. So I just quit trying. There are so many times a day when i just want to go to sleep and never wake up, so i can stop trying, so failing. Im so tired all the TIME, it just ughh. I just want it all to end.
Can someone just...I dunno...-sigh-
I guess i needed to rant, hmm? :/ Help me, please. I need someone who can emphasise. Thanks.
I had to edit your post due to forum rules, we cannot talk about self harm.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 2/23/2010 8:19:36 PM (GMT-7)