I'm not going to say my whole story because it is much too long and complicated. If you're going to respond, just pretend you know what I'm talking about because I don't particularly feel like relaying the entire situation. I'm not good for him, I end up hurting him more than I do him good, but he's my best friend and I love him so I can't just stop talking to him. I hurt him a lot, I led him on and let him believe maybe we could be something again and then I tore it all down. He said it's the biggest breach of trust he has ever felt in his life. He never thought I would be the one to hurt him this much, he never thought I was capable of it. But I did, I hurt him so much and he will never trust me like he did before. We'll never be as close as we were and we will never ever be the same. I don't want to be his girlfriend again. I just want my best friend back. I broke up with my boyfriend and I can't even talk to my best friend about it because it's the same person. And my other friends would just judge me for leading him on, they'll say it was a *****y thing to do, and it was, but I don't want to hear that. I just wish everything could be back to normal. I was so happy last year, and even over the summer. I was always upbeat and okay with things and happy. And now it's like life is conspiring against me, and I don't know why. What did I do? Did I do something wrong? I see God trying to peek through with these good things, getting a job, traveling somewhere I've never been before, but they're all just overshadowed and pushed to the side by everything else. I want to stop feeling emotion completely, and just be numb. I don't care if I lose who I am as a person, the bubbly, bright, smiling girl who everybody loves so much for just being purely herself. I don't have to be that girl, as long as I don't feel this every single time something happens. It's on and off, but there is always that lingering pull on me that makes me know I am still just as miserable. It's only junior year. I hope it will pass when the year ends. Maybe summer will be good, and senior year will be back to normal. Because right now, I don't feel like feeling anything. I want to be in a coma until things get good again. Everything is just a consequence of my emotions, so eliminating my emotions is the answer, right? If you read this whole thing, thanks, and I'm sorry for talking for so long. I just really need somebody to talk to right now who doesn't know who I am and won't judge me. I hope I find some friends here who I can reach out to until I become happy again. Thanks!