When will I enjoy life again?

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/27/2010 7:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone, I need help. 17 yrs. ago I was accused of things I did not do, and as a result I was forced to sign away parental rights to my son. The allegations against me were untrue and unfounded brought on by my ex-girlfriends parents. I believe this was done to silence me. You see, when we were together she told me that when her and her brother (she was adopted), that when she was in her teens, they were playing cards and he made her play strip poker, afterwards he forced himself on her. She told her mom about it and all her mom did was by her a home pregnancy kit and sweep it under the rug, never to be mentioned again. Along I come years later and when she told me, I told her she could still persue legal action. So one day, my ex is giving her oldest son a bath and he say's "can daddy suck my peanut", which never happened. So her parents heard about it and contacted DCFS about. Well here I was facing those charges, making no real money at the time and working (yeah right) with a public defender. My ex's dad was a High ranking exec at GM and could afford any lawyer he wanted. I was never told the options I had in front of me. All I was told was that I could either face charges or sign away rights. I was willing to fight tooth and nail, but the PD wasn't. Anything and everything I told him was brushed off as inadmissible in court. So I didn't think I had a choice. Fast forward to 2010. I was looking around online and found information on My sons older brother and sister and I found him but he is still a minor, so I emailed his adopted dad. Here is how the email exchange went.

Hello, this is in regard to J. You need to be aware I am his biological father. I have spent years in search of him. I ask you, have you told him of me.I do want to see him and talk to him. I want you to know, signing the paper for adoption wasn't my choice. I was coerced through no fault of my own. I would appreciate your support in this. I am waiting for your support and response, we can talk by phone as well.

His Response:
Yes, we are aware of who you are. We respectfully ask that you cease all efforts to make contact with the children. J has said he desires no contact with you. The State of indicated that you abused these children. I strongly suggest you stop all attempts or we will have no recourse but to let the State know. J is still a minor and you are forbidden to make contact with him. Our understanding was you were “coerced” to sign off or face jail time for child abuse. We are frankly shocked that you were dare attempt contact after what you did to the children.

Now after that exchange I feel all hope is gone. Everything I used to enjoy just brings me down now. after reading that reply it felt like a knife to the chest again. I don't really eat and really just want to die. My own son doesn't even want to know me. Well thanks for reading my story. Any help and advice is appreciated.

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/27/2010 8:59 AM (GMT -6)   
That is a very difficult story. Our kids are so much a part of us. As a father, I can only know how you feel that connection. I suggest you consider this one attempt as just that. It is over for now, you must be patient yet again, and somehow carry on, but that is what you must do. There will be one day when, your child is an adult. You must then accept the adult for whom they are. It will be very hard, and I know how I don't let the child I knew leave how I view my own adult child. I now have a 5 year old, who is 20 years younger than his sister. From the same mother, my wife.

You don't mention the mother, I can assume she past, or left the situation. You don't mention an other wife, or significant other. I suggest that trying to create a loving, or at least caring relationship will give you a foundation to build upon. In that way, you can use the experience to focus upon, when at some time you can have a chance to legally contact your adult child.

Hope is not completely gone. Take on a task, either my suggestions, or something you've thought is important.

Good luck.

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 2/27/2010 9:01 AM (GMT -6)   
I have no words of wisdom, but am sending my caring thoughts and big hugs in the hope you can find some type of resolution and start to live life again.
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell. (Buddha)
Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love. (Laotzu)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 2/27/2010 9:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Thats a very tough situation RBoggs42 , but if the allegations are false as you say then your boy knows that .Keep in mind hes been living with and conditioned by people who were against you for whatever reason .He may have been told absoloutly any kind of story about you , perhaps when he comes of age there may be a better chance .Good luck and please remember that whats best for your boy is the biggest thing , you can love your children in many ways sometimes being strong and doing what is hard is how we show caring .
HIV+ also Hep c , need hip replacement surgery on hold because of unknown but cellulitus-like ailment  .most pain from hip condition and cellulitus-like ailment .hands numb may have carpal tunnel syndrome now . Great frustration because doctors unable to diagnos ailment              .Medecines - Oxycontin , percocet , Oxycondone , Celelbrex ,Avalox , lasix .

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/27/2010 10:50 AM (GMT -6)   
HI RBoggs,

Welcome to the forum. I have not words of wisdom for you and I am sorry. I think that in time your son will want to contact you. Maybe a long time away, but it will happen. I am so sorry for your situation.

You have come to a good place. Keep the faith and keep posting. We have to sometimes deal with what life has to offer. Keep on with your life. Try to focus on other things, like maybe a new relationship, of doing the things that you enjoy. I wish for you the very best.

Many hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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