Hello, I just wanted to ask for some advice because I am completely at a loss...
My partner recently left to live in another country, and has been gone for 3 months. We had planned to be together in the next 2 months, but after my last outburst, I am not sure it will. It's incredibly difficult to remain positive, and i can't bear the thought of losing her.
Her leaving has left me depressed and highlighted a number of other facts about myself. I think the combination of her leaving and my depression has turned me into a manipulative person - i am constantly looking for approval, and she does try her best. A part of me thinks it might be obsessive compulsive, but i really don't know if it is that, or if i am trying to find ways to bring myself down because i don't feel good enough.
It's almost as if everything she says and does is not good enough and deep down i feel hurt by it. All she has ever done is show me how much she loves me, and I've taken the role of victim now, even though we had planned beforehand to be together. Now i have become vicious in trying to get her to show me she loves me, even though there isnt much more she can do (other than come back, but that is unfair on her)
I can's stand the neediness i now have and am actually appalled by some of the things i have said to her . I have put words into her mouth and said she doesn't love me and never will. After that, this morning, she said she doesnt me to go to be with her if i am like this. I have been this way before and she said she won't tolerate it, especially while we are apart.
I really feel like an insensitive brat, because she misses me too and i have not really appreciated that. I don't know how to do this.
Any help or tips would be very appreciated!!
Thank you so much.