I need your help. I dont know whether i am depressed or just paranoid. I have always been terrified of developing a mental illness, its one of my biggest fears.
For over two years now i have been particularly down. My mum died in '08 and this is when it started. I have also had alot of problems with my dad. Im still coping with life, but sometimes i can get so down that i can stay inside the house for days and days just crying and sleeping. Other days i am fine, i go out, i laugh, i talk to friends. But i dont think i have been truely happy since my mum died. Its like temporary happiness, it fades fast. I am at university and doing ok, but i have no confidence in myself. I dont feel like i can succeed. The thing is, it isnt just the feeling of sadness that is holding me back, its the fear that i have depression. I think about it all the time, even when im having a good day, or a good week. I have read so many sites about depression i could write a book. Then suddenly it occured to me, while i have been worrying about depression, i could be developing paranoia. Im too scared to go to a doctor, not because i think they wont believe me but because i cant talk about my feelings, i just cant, never have been able to. if i get referred for some kind of talking therapy i know i will just start making out im fine so i can get out of it. I have no idea whats going on in my head anymore.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/7/2010 7:05:41 AM (GMT-7)