Several nights ago I was very depressed and having a panic/anxiety attack and i was feeling as scared as I ever have in my life .I was afraid to be alone but I wasn't ,I had my friendspend the night onmy couch and even her being here I was frantic as soon as she had to leave at 7am I called my brother and asked him if I could come to his house ,he said yes . So me and my walker took a cab in the snow and I arrived at my bro's house and sat .My mind wouldnt stay still , so many stories at once , I'll never get better , my life will always be bad and I knew whenever you think in absolutes never, always etc its your ego talking and its a lie .But I was scared to death I couldn't sort it out .I asked my brother how to get through this and he said this is how , you go thru it , you endure be uncomfortable .As a drug user I had spent my life not feeling , I would medicate myself instead of feel , now I am feeling which is not natural for me and I was scared to death , I couldn't medicate or distract or run away , I had to sit in it . I just started screaming and screaming and went into convulsion like spasms for about
ten minites , andI felt so much better after , like I got out a lot of pain and suffering I had been carrying for years ,what a releif .I dont know what it was still but I feel it was my body and minds way of getting out the pain and fear .I came home and was no longer so afraid , I started cleaning my apt , I made an appt with a Pain Therapist , and my brother and I went to visit the rest of the family this past weekend .It was a miricle for me in a way , at 53 I'm learning how to live , to try to make my life have worth and to feel .HealingWell has played a role as well by helping and supporting me .Has anyone else expierenced something like this?
HIV+ also Hep c , need hip replacement surgery on hold because of unknown but cellulitus-like ailment .most pain from hip condition and cellulitus-like ailment .hands numb may have carpal tunnel syndrome now . Great frustration because doctors unable to diagnos ailment .Medecines - Oxycontin , percocet , Celelbrex , lasix .