I had a very traumatic experience today. It hit me to my core. I have hypothyroid, GERD, Chronic Abdominal Pain and 2 herniated disks in the cervical C5-6 and C6-7, Anxiety, high cholesterol, and hysterectomy, I just feel medically challenged. For the past few months my GERD has flared up and I have trouble eating, drinking, everything makes me sick. I have been under alot of stress since the holidays. My sister cut ties with me, and made it so my extended family think I abandoned them. Fine, I moved on, I accept that. We lost two friends after Christmas, 56, and 47. I got a promotion in January that has me stressed, and working alot. That has I'm sure made my pain levels and Gerd worse I am sure. I didn't seek this out, it was forced on me. At first, I was
open to it, but now I am feeling it might have been a mistake given my medical challenges. My Gerd has taken my voice. I sound like I have laryngitis all the time. It finally got to the point I sought care from my dr. He sent me to a GI, whom I have seen a few years back. The GI doc scheduled an EGD and prescribed two Zegerid pills per day. The day of the EGD he stated he found some gerd damage, lots of polyps in my stomach from years of PPI therapy, and took some biopsies. That brings me to today, my followup.
He told me the biopsies were clean, no cancer. I explained that even on the two pills per day, I am vomitting yellow bile, food, and still have issues with my GERD. He sat back in his chair and said all my problems are because of my weight. He suggested I go to weight watchers, or overeaters annonymous. "That's all I have" he said as he repeated the weight watcher and overeaters annonymous. He then said, "feel free to find a surgeon who can do the acid reflux surgery, and while he is in there he might as well do a bariatric procedure. I explained I have a husband with diabetes, so we do not eat poorly, or in huge portions, etc. My problem is I can't eat. He said the same thing again, shook my hand, gave me my coat, and wished me luck. Please don't think I am being dramatic, this was all real.
I feel like he reached down my throat, yanked out my soul, and smashed it. I cannot sleep despite my usual cocktail of meds. My eyes are so swollen from crying, I have lost my focus, and feel like a hollow shell. I succomed to this. I'm so exhausted that I lost my ability to let it roll off my shoulder. I used to be strong, and make fun of my medically challenged state, so I could keep moving forward. Not today.
I could not muster the energy to talk to my husband, and get support. Ironically enough, we had to attend a play tonight, Beauty and the Beast! I just sat in my seat with tears running down my face.
That leaves me here, 1:30am, have a busy day of writing memo's, and I have a feeling my employee is going to call in sick tomorrow. Can't sleep.
Sue-Hypothyroid, hysterectomy, Abdominal Adhesion Pain, No female parts, no gallbladder, sinus Surgery. Please put a fork in me I have to be well done!