so it is 3.30am sat, morn. up all darn night again. more cleaning. i was meant to see the lady fri night, i was exhausted, thus i sent a text that i am unwell and will catch up next week. went down later, (venue) was advised she was there. i felt bad but i needed the rest. seen dr. thurs, 2 hhour wait, and this is with an appt!!! i walked in and said hi john, sat down, well collapsed into the chair actually, he freaked and stuck a thermometer in my ear, i said i am okay but mentally and physically exhausted. then i said this. (verbatum) insomnia sucks, depression sucks, my aches suck, my feet suck and i suck.
so, the funny bugger jumped on the scales, he is a very big man, last weight was 115kg, 4 wks ago and he was 107kg. i said john, whats happening, apparently he has been very ill with severe diarreoah, he had to see his doc and he was worried about bowel cancer. subsquent to this he chucked in a few morbid jokes, i said @#$% john and giggled a bit, he said there is still some life yet in the old dog. meaning me!! okay, i was advised due to my choleserol issues and what it does to the heart that i must see the cardiology professor, 31st of this month, this peeved me as i thought my ticker is okay, apparently not. this consultation is not fully covered, ahhh, more money!!!
have the eye specialist this tues, annual reveiw, diabetes not flash, hence i am not confident at this point. i am exhausted and over committed, my mate even told me so, and he left after an hr as he could see i was totally drained.
bob is not good. even dissed me by not popping around on his b/day, he does not get on with another mate, and my neighbour said he deliberately by-passed my house as he did not want to share his drinks with my other mate. poor form as my mate shouts him all the time, thus a tad jaded about it. trivial but i did highlight a big show of disrespect towards me. i know he has a bit going on too, but this was not nice. i have let it go, but it bugged me yesterday and today somewhat. geez, i am rambling.
got the other qoutes and e-mailed the info of. am very broke, but who isn't. will lay down with the dog for 30 min. i did a bit of mindfulness by just looking at her and not thinking about much. got to ring the housing man so he can do his inspection. (government house) got to study and finish these darn assigmnents as well!! okay i have rambled enough, tired, sore, etc, etc. keep well guys. with healings........jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.