I couldn't even figure this out. Ugh. Someone help me.

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/23/2010 3:43 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't think I have ever felt so helpless.
I am being so difficult.
4 people in my family suffer from depression. I happen to be one of them. Or so they think.
I don't sleep at night, I have gained like... 20 pounds. I feel like a freaking monster.
Like I am the most hideous person ever, inside and out.

I need to take sleeping pills. They don't even help. I lost my job. And no where is hiring in my town. I live on my own and its getting so darn hard to even want to get out of bed in the morning. Its like there is no point in anything, anymore. I don't care about anything but my puppy. I could care less if I lost all my friends, and my boyfriend of 2 years. He's been trying so hard to help me.

I don't know why I even came to this site. I shouldn't tell people these things.
Especially not on a public website. Aaahh screw it.

Seeing me in person you would never know that I want to myself every day of my life. I act happy all the time. That doesn't help. I myself for 4 years. I haven't done it in 2 years. But it is getting more and more tempting each day.
It doesn't even help much. I already have disgusting scars from it.

I tried to myself once. It was not for attention. My family was actually gone for the weekend.

I can't even do that right, apparently.

I don't know. I need someone to tell me this is normal.. well. As normal as it can be.

I don't eat anymore. But I am still getting fat. I don't understand. I used to write. Now I can't. Everyone and everything makes me angry. I never leave my house. I will go days and days without seeing the sun.

I think I drink too much. My parents are alcoholics. Does that stuff get passed on? Sometimes I drink alone.
I love rum.

Maybe I'll go pour myself a drink.

I hope nobody reads this. Its not like there is anything that can be done. I just wish I knew what would help.


Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/23/2010 5:31:35 AM (GMT-6)

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/23/2010 3:45 AM (GMT -6)   
I broke 2 of the healingwell rules. Sorry.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 3/23/2010 6:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I am glad that you read the rules and realize that you broke them, no harm done, I will edit you post.

I am so glad taht you have found us. Coming here and pouring it all out really does help. And we are here to support you. Know that we all care. And understand what you are going through.

I do have to say though. Alcohol makes you more depressed, even if only drinking a little. It is a natural depressant so it only agrivates your depression and makes you feel like crap.

Are you going to any counseling? I think it would help expecially at the early stages of depression that you are at. And yes it is heriditary. My mother and father were both depressed, so there was no way for me to avoid it, but with counseling and medications that work, my depression is in remission. It is nice to be able to function.

Keep posting my friend. KNow that we all support you here, and writing things out can really make you feel better.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 3/23/2010 7:26 AM (GMT -6)   
hi sloane, i have been down the ugly path of destruction, too many times.....BUT I FAUGHT BACK!!! it takes help, we will help as best as we can, but YOU need to join in this. depression sucks, but IT does not have to rule your life. KEEP POSTING, WE CARE. with healing compassion, jamie 

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/24/2010 1:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you.

I am already regretting even getting started in this. I shouldn't have.
And I don't want to be medicated! I can fix myself. People do it all the time, right?
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