Hi - this is my first posting and it's difficult putting this low stage in my life into words for strangers to read. (better strangers who can relate than family and friends who don't understand or choose not to). I'm 49 years old, un-happily married with 2 kids in their 20's both away at university. This is my third round with depresseion - each 'episode' lasting longer and feeling worse. I have now been medicated for almost 1 1/2 years on Celexa and Wellbutron. Despite my meds I am again in a very bad place - gaining weight, not getting out of bed, not showering or getting dressed and avoiding any and all social contact. I find the holidays hard even when I'm well. To the outside world I'm the Queen of Christmas with my house decorated from top to bottom - they don't know my private hell.
I'm not suicidal but the saddness is so overwhelming it's scaring me. I'm not sleeping - use gravol (6 or 7 at a time) to fall asleep and then am up 3 or 4 hours later wandering my house in the dark.
I can't get a dr's appointment until the 30th of this month and I'm not sure I can last.
Thanks for listening - any advise would be great.