I'm 16 years old, and lately I've been feeling like I'm walking around in a fog. Doing even the most simple of tasks seem so much harder than they used to. I was abused back when I was 13, and I've never felt comfortable talking about it with anyone. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I've ever admitted to it.
After that, I put up a wall. I detached myself emotionally from everything and everyone, although most didn't seem to notice. I feel like the last three years of my life have been a lie, because I've been trying so hard to seem happy, to be society's definition of 'normal', and I think I've done a fairly good job at doing so. I haven't cried for a very long time, and I feel like it would be healthy to get all this emotion out, but whenever I try, the tears just won't come. I'm afraid that because I have tried to be so apathetic about everything, that I have lost the ability to feel.
I've never gone to therapy, I'm too afraid to ask my mom to send me to a therapist because I'm afraid she'll think I'm crazy and she won't be proud of me anymore. I can't help but blame myself for letting the abuse happen, like there was somthing I could have done to avoid it, paid more attention to the red flags.
I don't know if any of this is really making sense, my thoughts are all jumbled up, but I just thought I should get it all out.
Thank you for your time,