i just cant do that Karen. i cant just move back in with my dad. my friend just puts a lot of stress on me. as if i am supposed to take care of them 24-7, but they arent mine. i wish they were, but i hate that she tells me they are. kind of like in school, if the teacher says you HAVE to read a book, you hate it. but if they dont say you have to then you will.... I just dont like her making me feel like i HAVE to and that they are my responsibility. not both of them.... just the baby. although i watch the older one as well. but the baby is "mine". i dont mind watching him because he is easy, he just sleeps all the time and i feed and burp him and he goes back to sleep. her 3 year old is a mess. he has a smart mouth he has picked up from others.... its just crazy sometimes and he can cause a short fuse, especially for her. I am a ton more patient than most anyone, and yet I am getting frustrated.
she expects me to be here. i want to be here for them. especially the baby. i dont want the baby to grow up like the other kid has. personally, i wish i could just take him and move back in with my dad. it would be easier for both of us. but that cant happen of course. im just really frustrated with my parents and everything that is going on with my friend and im just exploding and im not sure what to do. i just feel like sitting and crying really hard. i need to cry and i cant. then they would ask me why im crying and all that stuff..... i dont want to add to things even more.
I just need something and Im not getting it. Im not even sure what I need. to talk... a walk. some time to think.. a good cry.. im not even sure.. Im having to use more and more of my medication to stay straight and calmed. And its beginning not to work. I just wish i had something strong to knock me out. i just want to sleep sleep sleep... for a long time. until everything is gone and over with.. i feel SO overwhelmed. i dont know what to do anymore.
TRIED: Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Cymbalta 6-6-09, Rozerem, Melatonin, Prozac (july 09-feb 10)
Currently taking: Trazodone 50mg, Focalin XR 5mg, Klonopin 1mg, Wellburtin XL 150mg, Lexapro 20mg, Abilify 5mg, Zantac 150mg, Prilosec 20mg
Diagnosed: Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorder, ADHD, Dysthymic Disorder, OCD, GERD, Bi-Polar II
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to
forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"