Posted 12/24/2004 1:40 AM (GMT -7)
so...for all of those who give a crap and have read my very first post on this forum...just thought i'd update.
i told my parents how i've been feeling; they've been supportive. I went to a counselor and child development specialist...the specialist prescribed Celexa to me but i haven't taken it yet..i feel for me, it'd be better if i conquered this thing without medicines. Call me stubborn, but hey, whatever. my counselor..i stopped seeing. She made me feel guilty after our first real session, and i wasn't going to deal with that mess. As of now i have an appointment with a psychologist in January. So hm.
i've decided to post again because i think i had been experiencing a panic attack for the last 40 minutes and i needed to get this out...i broke a promise...i hate myself for that. I promised i'd never...cut....and well here i sit with the red reminders. Didn't bleed tho, that's good. Just scratched deep enough to see the tracks the razor left behind.
funny how i talk so nonchalant about this to strangers...i can't say this face to face with anyone..perhaps on the phone..but never in person; their reactions are too painful. I remember my mom coming into my room, crying, saying it broke her heart to see me like this. darn did i feel crappy. Did i mention she's pregnant? Yes...and for me, an only child, it was exciting news. For awhile, knowing a new life was coming allowed me to focus on other things other than the inner turmoil that stewed within me. I don't know where to go from here...don't know if anyone'll read this, don't know if the Admin's gonna edit this post too. i don't know anymore.
for those of you making progress tho, i applaud you. perhaps someday i may join you on that grand pedestal. And for all those progressing, God be with you. For those fallen, and with broken wings, FAiTH...rite?