Because protecting people (especially vernerable people) is a marker of true masculinity and maturity. Because hurting other people in the long run hurts you as well, maybe not as bad maybe not as much, but it takes a little piece of you. Perhaps, you can inform her that you have strict rules about
how your yourself are treated and how other people are treated around you. Right now you are particularly vernerable since you are very new to the readjustment cycle, and you can truely see how vernerable she is, and therefore you need to both protect yourself and her. You obviously have empathy for the loss she has taken, which is a Very Good Thing! That says alot about
the charater of who you are. That is definately something I want to recognize you for!
Make sure you let her know that "you want her to heal, because losing a son has got to be such a huge devestating loss and there has simply not been enough time for her to readjust for her health." And if you do not want to be with her, then just let her know that "you have to have some boundaries with her to preserve your own wellbeing, because you are going thru a different kind readjustment and need to focus on making yourself ok too." Hopefully she will respect what you are doing for your own well being, if she does not then you need to remind her about
your boundaries both for your own health and for her health. Expect that she might be pretty unhappy and might say some not nice stuff.
I am also hearing a wish that you want to have a sexual encounter with her, but you clearly do not want the responsibly of a relationship. There is after all a reason why there is generally a suggested waiting period for sexual activity for a readjustment period, granted it does vary individually, but generally it is about
a year so you can focus in on your health and wellbeing, before you actually start involving those more complicated aspects of one's life. If you do decide that you want to be sexual active with her then you need to be honest and upfront about
your history before you become active with her. I strongly suggest that you go very slow in this, see if she earns your trust and in turn visa versa. It is a some what risky behavior, but there is a path. Casual sex can extract a high price from all parties involved, so you need to figure out what is a behavior that you want to see in yourself.
I think this is a great oppertunity to figure out what you want your own moral compass to be, and gauge what you feel comfortable with at this point in time.
Take it easy,
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I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…