I've never done anything like this before as I've always felt I'm strong enough to work out my own issues within myself. But last night, something happened with my partner (which has happened many times before) that pushed me over the edge.
My partner has emotional problems and takes anti-depressants. She can be quite moody with me but I seem to add to her mood swings alot. One of the main points of friction between us, is a sexual problem. We both know we don't have sex enough, but there are a few issues I have which make having sex with her not so easy.
Firstly, a few years ago, my father admitted to cheating on my mother. They are very old fashioned and refused to seek any professional help. However, they turned to me, their son, in their darkest moments, to get them through it all. That whole event has never been resolved for me as I did all the helping but nobody helped me. Now, whenever I have sex, I find it difficult not to be reminded of those past events with my parents. This results in me being unable to hold an erection sometimes (but if I can manage not to think about the past, everything is ok) or whenever my partner wants sex, I'm not so keen.
The way my partner wants sex is also a challenge for me as I feel pressured in how she approaches it. I feel it is sometimes forced upon me rather than me being made to feel at ease (it's a difficult situation to explain). This also results in me feeling like I am constantly tested to see if I'm making any progress within myself to satisfy her which in turn leads to me feeling un-aroused.
All this is coupled with the tough time I have, dealing with my girlfriend's emotional state. It changes sometimes at the drop of a hat. It confuses me alot. So last night, we were lying with each other watching TV. All was well. We began hanging some clothes and she told me that I didn't need to help anymore and I should get ready for bed because I was supposed to be asleep by then anyway. It all seemed ok. She had a shower, then hopped in to bed and seemed a little unhappy. I asked her what was wrong and she said "nothing". I said, "promise?" and she essentially did promise. But then she swiftly picked her phone up and walked out of the room. She told me she needed to write some invitations for an event. I then woke up hours later and she was sitting on the couch, crying, wrapped in a blanket. I immediately rushed over to her and tried to comfort her. I got a sinking feeling I was in regards to me. It was, but she refused to talk about it. She just said "it's just the same crap because nothing has changed. Please leave me alone." So I reluctantly got up and went back to our room. I did not sleep and she still has not contacted me (we speak every day on our breaks, text every day.)
When this sort of thing happens, and I try and try desperately to ask her what I've done wrong and comfort her, I instantly feel like my father when he was desperately trying to hold on to my mother as she wept over her unfaithful husband. I'm beginning to think I have real father issues related to that one event years ago and I'm afraid that it is affecting my relationship with my girlfriend. I also feel it is made worse by her emotional instability and I'm so scared of losing the love of my life as a result. It makes me nervous all day at work. I can't concentrate. I came home today because it made me so sick I threw up a few times. I'm starting to worry all this is making me head into a state of depression as well.
I'm sorry for such a long-winded explanation but this is all best explained by me recounting past events.
If anyone has any advice at all, please help.