Just a kid living in a nightmare

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/25/2010 12:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I am 15 years old and 2 years ago I lost my mom to cancer. She was my best friend, and instead of getting better as time goes on I just realize how much I am falling apart without her in my life. I am so young and have no one to turn to with my problems. Every day i plaster a smile on my face and everyone always praises me at how well I am handling myself. But I am not. Everytime I am alone, I get extremely lonley and depressed and often cope with compulsive eating. I am also turning to adhd pills and alcohol. I know this is bad, I am smart and have a good future ahead of me but I truly feel like it is the only thing that makes me feel better. My family is so distant, my dad does love us but he is getting worn out and does stuff that makes me feel more alone, like for example today he told me he was gonna be home at 11 pm and he is still not home at 2 am. I cant open up to people, I am not comfortable with myself or for others for that matter. I need some life changing advice, something that will make me happy or satisified with my life again. I dont want to ruin my future. I honestly dont know what to do, please help me

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/25/2010 9:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Missingyoux1234,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I think it is important that you talk to a counselor. I know that you don't want to talk to people, but as far as life chaning advice, this is it. Is there a school counselor that you could talk to or a pastor or something? It is really important that you are proactive right now and get some help. The alcohol could really bring you down. And it does. Even if you don't get drunk, it is a depressant, so it only makes your deperssion worse. Plus your brain is still growing. You don't want to mess that up. If that makes any sense. I think you know what I mean. It is still developing. And the alcohol can really stand in the way of that.

Have you sat down and talked to your dad? Let him know how important the security of having him as a father is. Let him know that you worry about him when he doesn't come home on time. It is important that the two of you have eachother to lean on. So it is important for him to be there for you and you for him.

I hope that this helps some.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 4/25/2010 1:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry that you lost your mom. It sounds like she was a really wonderful person & a huge part of your life. A good friend of mine lost her mom to cancer when she was 14 & I know she went through a lot of pain that nobody could really understand. Her dad was trying to figure out how to deal with the loss & how to take care of things around the house. Those of us who were her friends really wanted to help, but we didn't know what to say or do to help lessen some of the pain & sadness she was feeling. Eventually she did go to see a counselor & that helped; she also went to a special self-help group for teens who'd lost a parent or sibling & she said that helped as well.

I don't think you ever really get over it. Losing a parent so young is really hard. The best you can aim for is to hold tight to the good memories you have of your mom & try to live your life as fully as possible. But it's not easy to do that, so getting help from someone who really understands what you're going through can be helpful (whether that person is another grieving teen or a trained counselor).

There are a few suggestions for how to get through the day-to-day (in conjunction with counseling). Hopefully these will help: www.thehealingplaceinfo.org/grief_support_teens.html. In the meantime, please do choose something other than alcohol or ADD pills to help with the pain of loss. Exercise can be a good option. Volunteering can be helpful (could be something you enjoy or something that will honor your mom, if it doesn't make you too sad). I know you don't really feel like being sociable. That's typical with depression. But usually that's what ultimately helps the most. Maybe you could start with something small -- going to the library or movies & just sitting next to people without actually having to talk to them. Joining a club at school or in your city can be a good second step -- it is structured so you don't have to spend the whole time talking, but you still are around people & are working towards a shared goal. Then when you're feeling stronger, you can spend a short time with a friend or classmate. If you can find a teen grief group, that can be a comfortable place because everyone is struggling & will understand that sometimes you will want to talk & other times you won't.

The most important thing, though, is to find some way to express your feelings. Whether that's with counseling, at church/temple/mosque, through art or dance or music, by journaling, or in some other way, getting the hurtful feelings out will help free up space in your life to feel healthier & a bit happier. And if nothing else works, you can go see your doctor & they may decide to write you a prescription for anti-depressant medications. Things can get better. And in the meantime, you can always keep posting here.


PS - I think Karen has a good idea about letting your dad know that you feel scared when he is out so late. Maybe he could agree to call you if he's going to be home later than planned or try to come home earlier.

Old Hippy
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 4/26/2010 6:03 AM (GMT -6)   
My heart goes out to you... Just know that, with time, the pain from your loss--will ease up... You've received some great advice here and just know that you are not alone--no matter how long it takes, you will get through this... Take Care....

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/26/2010 6:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Honey, I actually do encourage you to still talk with your Mom (in a journal or just in your head), because luckily by 5 years old she has fundimentally imprinted in your psyche. As well as talking with a berevement therapist as well. What do you think your Mom would say about the current situation? I do not think she would be very happy with your father for punking out on you. I strongly encourage you both to get in therapy, because this is a major loss. There is nothing wrong with getting help. Sweetie I think you know you are going down a path that your Mom would not want you to go, and I think she would want you to get help. Do you have a school social worker or some kind of psychologist? Even ask your school nurse she might have some info about berevement therapy.
Keep talking with us... ok?
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I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

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Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 4/27/2010 6:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.  ~Author Unknown
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