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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/29/2010 1:50 PM (GMT -6)   
hi all
i dont even have the energy to ask for help. thougts of revenge and anger against my ex, who dumped me, cheated on me, left me broke and got married. not all his doing, i was a fool to trust and sarifice so muc, chosing to ignore teh signs. Its been a year now and the pain just wont go away,
i feel like i want revenge or a place to vent, make his life as miserable as he has made mine.. yes i read all ove he net how revenge is bad, how i shoudl let go of this anger, as i am the one going to be harmed by it, i try it ( i really do,,, really reall) and am not very succesful.
i am 34, i wanted to leae when i was younger at 28, he made me stay with him.(telling me ho loved me n wanted me)
i feel i have missed out on my chance of making my own choice.
we have huge fighting rows, he has hit me in a few of those, when i confront him, he oscialltes between getting abusive and suicidal and i bak off.. hurting him does not somehow bring that satisfaction
i just want to feel my self respect back, i want to feel i am not teh sort of person you can jus walk out on without a word.
i am miserable, broke, angry, scared.
please help me.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/29/2010 2:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Resh,

You said it yourself. The revenge only hurts you. It lowers you down to his level. You don't want that. You also said "I want my self respect back". That is something that you have to work on for yourself. Work on getting you stronger, build your own life now. It is up to you to do this. And you have to learn to love yourself.

I don't know you, but I feel that you really are a good person, you are just angry and hurt. You said it has been a year. It is now the time to work on you. Get strong, independant and stay beautiful.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 4/30/2010 3:47 AM (GMT -6)   
hi, hey, the best you can do is try to move on. life is short. time for you to live life. maybe some counselling will help. it did me. with compassion, jamie.

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/3/2010 9:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Karen and Jamie, I appreciate your taking the time and effort to respond back. I will let you ow how it goes, i try and stay positive the key wrd being trying (and not very succssfully :) the rage, we also have a business together (i had invested in it) and i see hm with his wife n new life and its .... lets just say not very pleasant.
i was pregnant and we decided to not have the baby snce it was a difficult time for us financially and professionally, and he let me believe that and gets engaged in the next three weeks, as you can imagine i feel very betrayed. and wheni confronted him he just
when i think abt this now i feel that wht i thought was a sacrifice that two people in love were making, was just one person betraying another, and teh thought that he might have a baby any day with someone else make me see red :( he knew how much i wanted a baby.
he wont anser any of my questions now ealier he wld tell me he didnt knwo what he was doing, he was confused and made a mistake, somedays in the last year when he was upset he woudl come to me and i always took him in and never questioned becasue i felt he was with me as he was really uspet ad needed me and so i woudl hold my tongue and the million and one whys. bu t they stayed n when i woudl try to ask him about them later .... it was like the moment had passed and he woudl answer oh re you gonna rake up taht again, i dont want to talk abt teh past, its doen and over with, go discuss this with your girlfreidn dont tell me, ......... etc etc
i am torn between doing this with dignity ( i have day dreams about this) and then thinking of him and his wife an baby, n the life that shoudl have been mine, and i just cant control the rage.... i am sure you get this a lot. (sorry)
liek i mentioend i didnt keep my finances seperate, put everything in is business, my networth is 0. i have no money, i am lving with me parents, no job, n m thoughts.... mostly really bad ones.
we come from a part of teh world where families (parents / inlaws) still play a pivotal role, crrently i am contemplatig jsut walking into his house plonking myself down there and teling him ... i loked after you all these years now its your turn :) and then just serenely watch and refuse to move out.
at the same time i am afraid he is not that strong and to save face in front of his family n inlaws rather than confront me and y sistuation if i do this he might seriously hurt himself. ...... i think he could really do that.
i still care , i dont hate myself, or am disappointed with myself that i do, it just hurts me that i do. i dont know how to stop, caring for him was somehing i have been doing 24/7 all these years. i just cant bear the thought of alll that sould have been mine being soemone elses.
i might ramble a bit.. he sort of expects me to just disappear, we had common busienss, freinds, n he expected me to srt of hide when ppl his inlaws knew wld coem around.. (ashamed to say) i did it for this last year... god oly knows why.. i would leap like the proverbial gazelle and make myself scarce well all that is telling on me now, i disrespected myself to suh a degree, i m quite disgusted wh myself and i am madder at him for mking me do that to myself.
i have just gone on and on.. what i want from you ..... just confirmation i spose to go ahead and do the bad i want to :( knowin it all still doesnt make it easy.
i dont know how to be strong and forgive. i dont know and it hurts tooo much to start learning.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 5/3/2010 10:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Don't do the bad. Just try to get on with your life. Do some nice things for yourself. Love yourself. You can't change what has happened. Even if he were to leave her, there would still be a common bond. The baby. So I would chalk it up to experience and try to get on with your life. You will meet somebody else one day and forget about him. I am sure of that. Do things for you. Good things. Take care of you. Maybe some counseling would help you get past this.

Wishing you the best.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 5/3/2010 10:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Resh , I feel for you but you must move on , you must cut off all contact with your ex and put that energy toward rebuilding your life .You should see a therapist who will guide you thru this processs , its sounds like tyour too frgile right now and you shouldn't try to do this alone anyway .If you have a relative in another state maybe go away and seek therapy there , its torture I know but it will ease only if you stop going back , think about you and what you want .Good luck to you I really hope your able to break away .

HIV+ , Need hip replacement , have a cellulitus like condition on leg that is stubborn , using anti-biotics to try to get rid of but its stubborn .Started eating completley healthy juicing every day , no sugar , taking vitiamins and anti-oxidents , virigin coconut oil ,only veggies and fruits mostly , no red meat .feel better.Meds:viracept truvada,indothemicin. Pain from hip and leg use cane or rolator to walk .                                                                                                                 

Old Hippy
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 5/3/2010 12:49 PM (GMT -6)   
There is a reason that you are holding onto all this anger & pain--that's what you have to deal with... It's easier to cling to the familiar; rather than go back out in the world and face the unknown. I know, I have been there... No matter how painful relationships become--it's a heck of alot scarier putting one's heart & trust out there for someone else to stompe on... If it was so easy for him to throw away your love & committment, why would anyone else want you? That's the mindset--one gets into, it's a viscious circle of self-doubt & self-contempt... You are going to have to be the strong one and walk away... Sell off your share of the business, find a good psych doc, and move away if you can afford to... If you do not advocate for yourself--who else will? He's gone on with his life and so must you--no matter how scared you are. I wish you the best & take care... peace out

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 5/3/2010 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Resh, I wish I could offer you some better advice for dealing with your ex, but I don't feel that the sort of tactics that come to mind would be appropriate. Your best course of action is to come to terms with the reality that you are much better off without him now, than to have invested so much more of your life before finding out what he is really like. Try to find some new hobby that you have never done before, try to break out of the old habits, do something new. It has helped me to pour my attention into a new direction. It doesn't mean that there won't still be some bad days, just maybe there will be fewer of them with more and more good days between.


Daughter passed away 08/06/2008, heart failure
Wife passed away 12/24/2009, cardiac arrest
DX: desmoplastic malignant melanoma
RX: homeopathic supplements

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