loner, I wish I could beleive that there is a "higher" power out there, but everytime I think my faith is coming back, I get kicked back down.
You see I have chondrosarcoma, (a rare bone cancer) this is my second time around with it, the first time they did surgery and it left me with a hugh scar and divit in my leg, that was in 2005, and I thought that I was on my way to having a some what normal life. Then in 2008 my husband started email these women and telling them he loved them, and by the time I found out about it he was visiting one of them. And again I thought that maybe we were over that hurdle and getting back to our life and marrage.
Well last Sept. I found out that the cancer had come back in the same spot. This time however it is growing faster and is much bigger.
I am going to have radiation treatments and in about 8 weeks surgery, the thing is that the doctors don't know if I will ever walk again after surgery, or if they can save my leg. Ok I thought I can deal with it, I did before, well now I find out that my husband is up to his old tricks again.
Now I have been married for almost 25 years and now I am facing a life on my own in a wheelchair. so where is that higher power.
Kicking me back down again, and this time I don't know if I can pull myself back up. I feel that everyone will be better off with out me. my husband can have his life, my children well they have their lives and as far as my grandchildren go maybe it would be better if they remember me as the person I am, and not someone in a wheel chair.
I am tired of crying all the time, I am tired of everything.
I use to be a positive person, people would say to me I wish I had your stregth, and I don't know if I could deal with all that. well right now I am not that strong person.
Live life to the fullest