First off I would love to thank everyone who wrote something back. I felt the need to cry because I'm so happy atleast someone is out there that cares and wants to get information. So, I'll be answering some of everyones questions. I am still in school, and I am 17 years old. So, as you can see it's alittle hard to actually get some help because of my age. I did go to my school counselor and she told me I had to get my mother's permission in order to see a phychologist that comes to the school. She stated that she would try to get ahold of my mom for me since half the time I am home, my mom's gone or drunk. And a few days later my counselor told me that my mom was ignoring her calls and that she left messages on her phone and my house phone. And, when ever I would get home, I found that my mom or her boyfriend had erased them. It's alittle harder to actually get help without my mom's permisson. And people said I should go to Social Services to get help since my mom is not doing her job. But, when my Grandma was alive, she tried to get custody of me and my brother after my mom's boyfriend was sent to jail the second time and they didn't do anything. They turned my Grandma down 4 times and I'm scared that if I went to Social Services they would turn me down too. So, I am still trying to find other ways of help the best that I can without the worry about my mother's permisson.
Also, someone asked if there was a grief group. There is one at my school just ment for kids who lost a parent or sibling. That does help at times, but sometimes it doesn't because we are only allowed a certain time to be able to have this group and half the time people don't get to talk about how they really feel. But, that is one thing that I am still in.
Another question that was asked was how things were going now. As of last night, they are terrible. My mother and her boyfriend got into another fight and my mom ran into the bathroom crying and I stayed with her to see what was the matter. The problem was actually kinda sad. We have a family of 5 living with us right now because they don't have money to live anywhere else and plus the father has cancer. And I guess my mom's boyfriend yelled at the man living with us telling him that he is living his life all wrong and should be angry. Then my mom's boyfriend told her that he thought they were disgusting people and didn't want them in HIS home. My mom's boyfriend is probably one of the meanest human beings that I have ever known. He doesn't care about my brother which is obvious because he is verbally abusive to him. And he is lazy and can be kinda babish. He doesn't have a job and is living on welfare and he still thinks he is better then everyone else. It's because of him that I would really love to leave my own home and live on my own. Granted I would hate to leave my brother is this situation but it's so hard to live in a house that is full of screaming and that is it.
And my mom has tried to get help for herself, ever since I was 10 years old, she has been in and out of the mental health unit. But, everytime she is put into there she gets herself out and doesn't continue with the meds she should be. She is also Bi polar and that gets hard to watch. She has panic attacks and sometimes I have to watch her to make sure she doesn't stop breathing. This is another reason why I believe I need real help. I had a panic attack once because my mom's boyfriend was pushing her around and I heard everything. The cops came and then I had my attack and I was sent to the hospital. The counselor there talked to me one on one and said he believed I was in deep depression and if I didn't get help I would turn into my mom, I would have Bi Polar. I love my mom to death but I would never want to be her. And I wish she would grow up and start parenting me and my brother instead of me being the parent to my brother and her.
Again I would like to thank everyone who sent something back, that really helped so much and I would like to thank anybody who read all of this. It's so nice to know that I can write whatever I need to and that someone out there cares enough to listen....thank you!