Hi Ariel, I'm Vickey, I'm also new here, but when I read your story I started crying, it brought back alot of bad memories for me, and my heart just goes out to you! I just want to wrap my arms around you and take you and your brother out of there! Being 17 you have sure had your share of heartache, and I really admire you for reaching out for help on your own! As for your boyfriend...your young and you have your whole life ahead of you, there are other fish in the sea so to say, you need someone who will love you unconditionally and support you in every way possible! Believe me, I've been there, countless times! I would like to share alittle of my childhood with you in hopes that somehow it may help you...My birthmother decided that she didn't want me when I was born so she gave me up for adoption, she already had 4 kids, I was #5, then she had 4 more after me, but I was the only one she gave up! I was adopted when I was 3 days old to a couple that had lost 3 babies due to the fact that there lungs wouldn't develop, then they lost 2 more after they got me. My mom worked all the time in a factory, my dad was a farmer and drank all the time! When I was 2 was dad was suppose to be watching me, of course he was drunk, and I got jumped by a german shepard dog who ripped out my right eye, I was in surgery for 16 hours and had two surguries after that, great dad huh? well as a child I could never have any friends over cause we never knew what kind of shape he was in, it was nothing to come home and see him laying in the floor, passed out, he would use the bathroom all over hisself, absolutely sick! As the years went on, it only got worse. When I was about 15 my mom and I came home from town to find my dad in bed with a black trash bag tied around his head, he had already started turning blue...this is just a example of the many many things that happened through the years...alot of abuse, verbally and physical abuse to my mom, only verbal abuse to me, but boy it sure could make a person crazy! I had my dad put in rehab 2 times, but you cant help someone that cant help themself!!! If you get nothing more out of this, just understand that it's not your fault! I'm 48 now and my dad has been gone for 7 years now...I loved him dearly but it was a blessing when he passed, a huge load was lifted of me, because my parents hated each other, blamed each other for the loss of 5 babies and on and on...constant yelling and screaming...so Ariel I do feel for you! As for you boyfriend...like I said you need someone to support you not make your life more complicated! Also remember, that when someone lives in these kinds of conditions, sometimes thats all they know. What I'm saying is I've been divorced twice now, my counslor told me that I had fell into a pattern of finding men like my dad...one's that drank all the time, abusive etc. My last husband went and got drunk and was using drugs on top of it, came home one night and beat me bad...I took me 3 days to get to the phone for help and ended up in the hospital for 10 days, they released me to my cousin because she was a RN, I really thought I was going to die! All I'm saying sweetie is you need someone that's not going to give you grief but support, and they are out there! I have a wonderful man now, I'm happier than I've ever been!
Please keep your chin up, walk tall, and take care of you! Your in my thoughts and prayers!