New member depressed so badly i cant even like my kids anymore, and thats not cool...

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New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/18/2010 8:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey. Cant believe i finally got around to posting something, i was pretty scared what people would say. Please be nice....ok so i have three kids. my oldest one is by a different man than the younger two. I am with the younger two's father. about October, his twin brother got killed in a wreck. I had to support him emotionally like i had never had to do before, and i was left feeling inadequate as i watched him spiral down into apathy. He wouldn't talk to me about anything, and ended up losing his job. Then in February, i got a call from my father up in Chicago ( i was living in north Carolina at the time) telling me that my brother had died. I was heartbroken, and flew up for the funeral. I talked to my family about our struggling financial situation while I was up there, and decided that it would be a good idea to move back up there. The whole while, i am still trying to support my man emotionally and trying to put my own grief on the back burner, cause three kids under four didn't really leave me the time to process what i was feeling. So here i am, in may, moved into my other brother's basement just two weeks ago with all this stress and emotional pain from being here.
I feel so alone and lost, like i'm falling into this dark pit and i cant climb out. A few people have noticed i starting mixing up my words, saying one thing and thinking i said another and just not ever realizing it. I have been mixing things up in my head too, not remembering things that happened five minutes ago, and days are starting to just blur together. I cant talk to my man about it because i don't want to bring up his pain and make him feel bad. I have tried telling him how this black heavy cloud seems to weigh so heavily on me, and he said i would be fine. the problem is i don't feel fine. I have these horrible thoughts all the time, and they are completely uncontrollable. I certainly have no intention or desire to act upon these thoughts, however it just keeps getting worse and worse. I don't know what to do. I have no energy, I ran out of hope, even playing with my kids feels like a chore lately, and then i feel bad about that, and its just one big spiral that i cant escape. I have to keep such a tight rein on my feelings all day and pretend like everything is fine, that I am exhausted by the end of the day, which just makes the next day harder. I finally got to the point right now that I had to tell someone or i thought i might lose it completely. Thank you for listening.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 5/18/2010 11:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Countrymom'o'3

Hang in there sweetheart, you have had a double whammy of grief hit you almost simultaneously, any wonder you are in the mess you are emotionally. I have noticed that on the top of this depression forum there are phone numbers in the Depression Resources post that are for the US, maybe there is one there that you can ring and speak to someone and get some help for both you and your partner. I am not in the US so it is hard for me to advice you where to go.

Can your family help with your kids? Perhaps take a little of the load off you, even if it was just for a couple of hours a day. You are the one that is shouldering it all at the moment but if you get some help that will ease, I'm sure. Your three little ones wouldn't understand what is going on, only that mummy is sad and crying a lot. Please give them a big cuddle whenever you can and tell them that you love them.

I am sorry I can't help in any other way but try to rise above it for a while and get onto the phone numbers, they might be able to direct you to somebody who can give you face to face help and guidance. You have a Human Services department over there so give them a ring also.

I hope things work out for you and your family. Please let us know how you are going.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41931
   Posted 5/19/2010 7:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Countymom,

I think Harrington has given you some good advice here. Get ahold of the department of human services. KNow that you are a good mother. You are just under a lot of stress right now.

Harrington Thank you for the lovely post. I am sure that it is going to help Countrymom a lot. I am in a rush, so I can't write much this morning. But wanted to answer this post.

Take care both of you. Know that this forum is for support and that all of the members are kind and compassionate.

Please keep posting both of you.

Hugs Karen.

Sorry this is so short.
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20048
   Posted 5/21/2010 1:42 AM (GMT -7)   
jamie popping by to say hi. am here for you. you have been given some excellent wisdom. sending healing thoughts your way. with compassion, jamie.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 5/21/2010 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Countrymom have you been in and seen your family doctor? Maybe that might be a good place to start. Maybe its time for you to get on to a med to help you get thru this tough time. I know how you felt, I felt that way many years ago, and the guilt of not be able to properly mother my girls was really terrible. Remember you are grieving and not going crazy. I think the seratonin levels have gotten all messed up and might need a med to help even things out. Keeping you in my prayers.

Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease 
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/21/2010 8:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi. I went through a situation years ago when my kids were younger. My husband at the time was a drug addict and I had no idea. I thought I was a terrible person cause he led me to believe that. I could barely take care of my kids. I always had the blinds closed and the doors shut and locked. I would lay on the couch all day on the weekend. Felt sick all day at my job. My oldest son did not have the mommy he needed at that time until I told the doctor I about my feelings, thoughts, everything. I got help and I am so glad I did. When I start feeling slightly that way, I know where it is going and I know to get help before it gets worse. Please see your doctor because I would love to see you get better and be happy again. Maybe them your hubby can get the help he needs too by watching you. Sending all my love your way..

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 5/22/2010 4:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Countrymom

How are you feeling today? I hope you have been to see your doctor as that is very good advice that you have been given. Have you managed to try any of the phone numbers? I am sure there is help for you somewhere. Keep going my dear sweet girl, love your little ones and tell them so as they would be feeling the strain and the pressure as well.

Just remember that we all care about you and want to know how you are doing.

Please stay well.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/5/2010 11:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey CountryMom

How are you going? You haven't posted for a couple of weeks and I am just wondering how you are? How are things at home? How are little darlings going?

Please let us know how you are as we do care about you.

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