Lonely , broke and desperate for help

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/1/2010 10:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello to everyone here . I just joined in , so not sure of the rules, but here is what I need to share with someone and hopefully I will find some comfort and help.
I 've been very upbeat , happy, optimistic and successful person most of my life. I was the one to give comfort ( and still do) to so many people in need around me , advise, money - whatever they needed. I genualy like people and trough Jesus I learned not to be judgmental , but serve honestly. I've never done ANYTHING BAD to anyone and here I am today - lonely, depressed and with no answers how to get out of it.
The begining of the end was in 2004 when i got engaged to be married and found my fiacee who lived at my house cheating on me on the internet with some ****s. of course that was the end of the engagement and begining of my friendship with Zanax ( very freely offered by my doctor).. Little I knew that this is and addicive drug - i just wanted some temporary releive of the pain in my heart. I refused Paxil ( pure scare).
Kept going and managing my own real estate and mortgage offices until in 2005 huricane Willma destroyed my office and one of my investment properties. Being optimistic I thought I will recover somehow , but declining housing market made the things worst. And I was taking more and more of the "pink solution" to heal my anxiety.. Still, my will to succeed and not give up kept me going.. Pray to God as I always do... and a mirracle happened. I met this absolutely "wonderful" guy - fairytale prince.. Looks like an Ogre , but charming, quite wealthy , who pursued me for months until I found myself in love with him. I lived with him in his mansion, but still maintained my home ( did I mention that he is my neighbour and lives just few minutes away from me?)
To make long story short - i became part of his family and best friend with his sisters ( adorable women) who failed to tell me about the sceletons in his closet. He bacame demanding of my time, told me what to ware, corrected all the time my "poor english" ( I speak 4 more languages) and constantly reminding me that he is a "good man and deserve better treatment" every time when I DARED to expressed my opinion. We were planing to marry when I found out that he was gone this route 5 times before that!! when actually he told me just for 2 marriages. Egomaniatic, controling freak.. one day I just broke free - I had to regain my power and self esteem. Too late. Meanwhile my business was neglected and I lost it , behind my mortgage payments ( my savings were gone) , no work at all , just me and my precious dog. Could not afford to make the payments of my car and thank's to a dear friend avoided a reposession. That was a year ago.
My heart was wounded again, this time quite deeply. Also so called "friends" of mine were not so available, since I was not able to entertain anyone with lavish paries or join them on shopping sprees.
So here I am today - facing foreclosure any day now and even though I KNOW what to do to prevent it I do not have the money to pay for the services, I am still doing real estate with no idea when I will close any of the transactions ( and I make only enough to cover my basic needs) , $400 in my pocket and $500 000 in debt. No one to talk about it and no friend to cry my heart to.
I know there are people with probably more serious issues, but we are our own induviduals with our own struggles and despairs.
I hope to talk with you guys.. at least until they do not disconnect my Internet service or electricity.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 6/1/2010 11:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello, in a way I know what you mean. It broke my heart to read that. I was in a car accident years ago which has left me with chronic pain, and depression to name a few. It was hard to find out that I was no longer going to be able to work (I'm 31), day and months went by and I gave up, I did not think that there was a reason for me to live. I'm not going to say my life is now perfect, we do not live in a fairy tale unfortunatly. Anyways, I found that talking about what happened and listening to people help. I my self have 3 people I call my friend, my 2 pugs and a girl I hardly talk to. So I understand not being able to talk to anyone around home. Also I just wanted to mention that Xanax is not a good drug to be on, my doctor told me that it could make things worse and I will admit that now, I can't remember 3 months of my life. But please do not give up, things always happen for a reason and Karma will always even things out.

New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/2/2010 12:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kniajevo,
Whew, that's a lot to take. Seems that when it rains it pours! First let me commend you for sharing this with all of us. Sometimes it helps just to get things off of your chest doesn't it?

My first thought about this man is this. Lucky you to have found out about him before things went farther along...like marriage. I'm glad you had the foresight to walk away from this relationship because who knows where that would have taken you. Regardless of how terrible the relationship was, I know it still must hurt so let yourself heal and be patient.

As far as the financial aspect of what's going on, you can do what you can do. What has helped me at times is to make a list of what has to be resolved and then on another list what actions need to be taken in order to take care of it. For example, before your house goes into foreclosure, maybe make a call to your bank and see if you can pay the interest on the mortgage for a few months or ask for an extension. A lot of these banks just don't want to handle yet another foreclosure property so they may work with you. My brother once told me that things are constantly changing and they don't stay the same. This was when I myself was in a downward spiral and I felt stuck, depressed, and had no hope. The thing is do one thing at a time and do what you can do. If you can't do any more than move forward. There are always choices be it going to social services for help if you lose your home, maybe you may be able to place a free ad for room mates to help with the mortgage. Or do what I did a few times and search Craigslist for paid research volunteers, give blood at the blood bank. I know when I get depressed I become immobile but you have to push yourself.

Another thing that helps me is that every day when I get up, set your mind in gear to had a good day. Many days I get up and say "today Lord, let me go through today without worrying about whatever I'm worried about". Give yourself a reprieve just for one day so you can feel like a human again! Some days I say, Lord, please give me the courage to face this today, or please put the right person in my path to help me handle this problem. More importantly, I remember to be thankful even if everything sucks. Thank you for my family, for my eyes so I can see, thank you for my car...just everything that you have because when you start doing this you'll find that you have a whole lot to be thankful for. And then have faith in yourself to get what needs to be done. YOU CAN DO IT!

I'm 20 days from losing my car to a title loan company, unemployed and problems with IRS. Man that sucks. Some days I just don't think I can make it through the day but you know, I think if we go through the steps of trying to resolve things and make things right, it seems to pan out somehow. We all go through really bad times. Sometimes I reflect on a really hard time I had in the past only to remind myself that I made it through that time so I can make it through this tough time. You can too.

Sending a big hug to comfort you at this time of need. Remember, you are not alone!


Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/2/2010 12:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Kniajevo

That was certainly compelling reading. You can cry your heart to me, I will always listen.

The first things I would do would be to see a different doctor and be referred to a counsellor. I know money is the problem but possibly the Human Services Dept could help you. There are also some numbers at the top of the Depression Forum that are relative to the US only (I am guessing that's where you are) and they may help you also.

I have to say I'm glad you found the Depression Forum as there are many nice people on here who will all try and help you, we are very good listeners (or readers) so this is the place to come when you are feeling really low like you do now.

I'm sorry that you have lost your business and almost your house, that is really sad and I genuinely feel for you. But I am even more pleased and happy for your well being that you kicked the "freak" to the kerb. Life with him would have been unbearable, any wonder the other women got out when they found out what he was like.

As for your former friends, they weren't truly friends to you but you were a good friend to them. Don't worry about them, move on, you will make more friends as you sound like you are pretty outgoing. At least you are working still, that is good, things will surely pick up and sort themselves out, life has a way of doing that, they say everything comes out in the wash.

Please keep posting as long as you can as myself and others will always be here for you.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 6/2/2010 7:01 AM (GMT -6)   
here 4 you too. jamie.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/3/2010 9:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you guys for all your support - you are wonderful! I know that all of you have been or are going through difficulties in your life and all your words are kind and sincere.
I pray to God every day and I have been doing that for the last 20 years... I know that I need to be positive and stay strong. I am thankful for everything I have in my life - my health, my doggie ( who is my only comfort) , the chance to open my eyes in the morning and see the sun shining... I am grateful and thankful that in this very moment with the grace of God I still have a roof over my head ( no sure how long since I have not made a payment for over 1 year!) . I do work every day and perform to my best...and nothing has panned out yet...I do not even think about what I had in the past or worry about the future - I am living in today. and every single day I say to myself - today is a new day and it will be great and things will change...
For the past year I read all Wayne Dyer's books, Deepak Chopra, Joel Osteen..watched the "shift" "the secret" ... you name it - I 've seen or read it.. applying all the teachings in life.... I even became master REIKI healer... and am detting more and more depressed, lonely and discouraged..
Every night I call archangel Michael to come and guard my sleep and I still cannot sleep...
I am too weak to do it or too scard of God.. Or just care too much about the people who love me and don't want to cause any pain.. Maybe is just the love I have for my dog and concern that no one will take care of him.
I don't have ANYTHING to bring a little joy in my life..Family is away in Europe - even though I went there seeking a comfort - I did not find it. Yes, they love me unconditionaly , but they cannot feel the void in my soul. Love? I know how to give it , but not how to receive or seek for it.
I know that love is the answer - God created us with love and all he intended for all of us is to be prosperous and happpy. Somewhere along our earthy journey we screw up. Or at least I did. Not sure where, how or why.. Maybe I gave too much.. or maybe did not give enough...
I sound confused , I know .. and the cnfusion is a work of the Satan.. his way to get to our minds trying to control and eventualy desroy us. I am fighting a big , bloody battle with him... but I feel I am at the end of the rope...
I had to edit out parts of your post in accordance with rules...Rule NUMBER ONE

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 6/5/2010 5:28:08 AM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/4/2010 12:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kniajevo

Hang in there my friend. Have you been to see a doctor or counsellor yet? I am sure they will be able to help you, believe me they will. It is good that you are still working. Have you spoken to the bank yet to see how they can help you? Can your family possibly help?

Remember we are all here to help, post any time as often as you want to, we all understand, okay?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 6/4/2010 11:36 PM (GMT -6)   
So sorry for what you're going through. I'm not sure where you are in the foreclosure process. If the court hasn't already entered a judgment against you, then there are options you can take that would cost little to no money. You do need to pay the filing fee, but after that many courthouses have Legal Aid offices where you can get some basic advice about how to represent yourself (called "pro se"). There are also many attorneys who volunteer their time. You can find out if there are any in your area by contacting the local Bar Association (go to Google, type in the name of a major city in your state & the words "Bar Association" and something should come up). If you don't have any luck with that, you can call the American Bar Association & they can refer you to your local Bar. Even if they can't find someone to represent you in court, they should be able to help you find out what the timelines are in your state for finalizing foreclosures & setting eviction dates. In some states like Florida, people aren't even being taken to court until they are 2-3 years behind on their mortgage. It would be good to find out what the earliest date is that they can LEGALLY foreclose & then evict you, as well as what the standard is in your state. For example, in my state they can legally foreclose after 11 months & evictions take 6-8 weeks after the foreclosure judgment is entered. However, right now it is taking 18-24 months to finalize most foreclosure cases & then the eviction follows a couple months after that.

Contacting the bank can sometimes be helpful. It depends on who has your mortgage(s), but it's worth a try. They might be able to change the payments you have to make going forward & forgive the payments you've missed over the past year. Some banks will be very generous with homeowners/business owners who have fallen behind on payments, others are quite strict.

But I'm really worried about you. It sounds like you are not connecting with very many live people. Yes, some good things can be learned from TV preachers, but it is not the same as being around real people. I know your wealthier friends have jumped ship, but maybe that's an opportunity for you to connect with people who will be with you no matter what. One place I've found some good friends is through volunteering. As you say, there are always people worse off than you. Volunteering can help us feel better about ourselves & allows us to connect both with the people we serve and with the other volunteers (who generally are wonderful, kind people). Whatever your interests are -- animals, sewing, cooking, working with children, visiting sick/elderly, teaching prisoners, helping people find food/services in their time of need, etc. -- there are charities out there to match that. And if there isn't one close-by, maybe you could start one. Besides all the other benefits, volunteer work can be great to build your resume & marketable skills. It can help you network with other job seekers & people looking to hire. And it's better than sitting around the house, waiting for the bank to show up, stressing about how your life has fallen apart & you don't know exactly how that even happened & you're just sure that things are going to keep getting worse because something is wrong with your soul/mind/life (trust me, I've been there; I know).

And you can also contact the electric company to work out a payment plan. Sometimes they will write off your past due balance & set up a monthly payment plan for you (note: this is typically a once or twice in a lifetime deal, but they do do it). The internet will probably have to go, but electricity shouldn't be something you have to sacrifice. Also, a lot of local agencies have funds to help out with electric bills (Salvation Army, Red Cross, churches/temples, etc.) so if you still find yourself having trouble for a while, you might consider turning to one or more of them for some short-term help until you can figure out what to do.

Whew! I know that's a lot of information. I hope it's not too overwhelming. I know how hard it can be to think when things get to be so stressful. Is moving back to Europe with your family for a little bit a possibility? I know things aren't perfect with them right now, but perhaps it could be a fresh start. Just a thought ... only you know whether you could handle living with them.

take care,

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/5/2010 5:25 AM (GMT -6)   
I just found this website and can identify so much with many of the people. I broke up from my partner of 20 years, throughout which time we have pretty much lived in each others pockets. This was some time back, I now live by myself, have no friends or family and whilst everyone else gets excited over weekends for me it is just a case of sitting in an empty silent house, often I dont speak to anyone for 72 hours. I checked out of interest on the depression symptons and I appear to have 9 out of 10 of them.

I note the advice of the various agencies that say go out and get a hobby, find a friend etc etc, at the age of 49 it is not that easy, not least due to my migratory lifestyle. I have at times wished I could go to sleep and not wake up, and that scares me.

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/5/2010 6:19 AM (GMT -6)   
im so sorry you feel this way too
i use to b very outgoing had a great hubby ..so i thought..and great life
it all came down on me about 2 plus yrs ago
i can relate to sitting in the house constantly
i was doing this so much it really scared my daughter n im sure friends here

i had to mk a choice and im yrs older than you btw but my choice was to sit n be lonely or venture out places a lil at a time
ive gotten so much support from the ppl here on HW and i hv now started going out n just getting out of house
i took baby steps and for me it worked n is working
i know Kitt wil be around soon to say hello n give great input ...
i just happened to see your thread title n could relate
isolation changes us n makes us more leary of the outside world imho
i do hope you will stay with us
there are great ppl here on depression forum as well as other forums
do you tk meds for yr depression

i really wish you all the best
tk care
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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/5/2010 6:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your reply Howly, and I confess to feeling somewhat guilty for having hijacked the thread. Whilst I agree with your comment that people need to get out, wandering the parks by yourself and walking the streets merely highlights to me how alone I am, so I hide in the house, that way I can fool myself I am happy.

I have travelled places but no matter what the location or how beautiful surroundings, without someone to share them with they are meaningless.

I am resigned to living the rest of my life alone, I merely wish it wasn't so.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 6/5/2010 8:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there Kniajevo, I'm glad God lead you to us for help, because as I'm reading all the responses...hehe the things left to say seem somewhat few and far between. There is some really good advice for the specific situations and I know these people care.

My little bit of advice is a little more on the level with what God wants us to do and how that works with coping with our lives. This is something I have come to a number of realizations, some epiphanies, about this very subject. Ok...you do good, you love Jesus Christ with all you heart and believe he died for all our sins....yet are still lacking things in your life that you would like, or for that matter even need, as most would see. It is hard to deal with and equally hard to see past. What I have been lead to find though is that the answer lies right there in The Bible, our instruction manual :). Our treasures do not lie and await us here on earth...they are being prepared for us in Heaven. We should not being doing what God wants us to do with only the idea of physical gain, the satisfaction comes in that you are doing what IS right...you are doing the Will of our Creator, and that He will not forget you, that you are never alone, that no matter how bad things may get here, there is most definitely a better place awaiting those who God reveals himself to. Some people do receive the combination of both, and as nice as that would be...I would rather just have a place and treasures in heaven, sitting and being in the presence of God.......than to just have every worldly need or want one could imagine. God does not promise us all perfect lives, and in most situations rather the opposite......but in the same thought also one should include that NOTHING perfect even exists on this earth......our promised mansions, our true happiness, true perfection and real joy only exists in God and more pointedly in heaven. Let God draw your vision to a more distant point...realize the reward is not in the short term in most cases. A song from my childhood school popped into my head as I was writing this message...hehe so I think I should probably leave you the lyrics, they may help you some. This is a song from my Christian grade school where my dad was the pastor...and it has never really left me, I've never forgotten the lyrics, even after 13 years.

Dare to run with our eyes fixed on Jesus

Following the footsteps of the One who's gone before us

Dare to run with the power of His Spirit

Called to be victors in a race already won;

Dare to run!

We must have our Saviors vision

Compassion for the lost

Courage for the future

Love at any cost.

And that just repeats a few times, hehe I'm sorry this message turned out slightly longer than expected, but I just hope that you can truly find the comfort that you are seeking with the only One that can supply it. Keep us posted on how you are feeling, I will pray for you Knaijevo. God can and will give you the strength and mental comfort you need to keep doing His Will, just pray and keep up the good work wink


Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 6/5/2010 7:10:55 AM (GMT-6)

New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 6/6/2010 1:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Congratulations on having the strength to leave him and come here for help, it shows you are strong and smart and you can succeed. You were successful before you met this sorry individual and you can be successful again. But obviously it will take work, time, and patience. Focus on the small steps ahead of you instead of always worrying about things in the far future which you cannot control. Best of luck!
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