I'm a 15 year old girl and I've been going through this over and over again for the past year. I think i'm depressed but i dont know for a fact. Everyday i hate waking up and going to school...i hate walking in those hallways. My friends are so confusing and i dont know who to talk to anymore. And my best friend pretty much replaced me with this girl who does everything i do but Better. I'm an actress, and so is she. I'm a dancer, and so is she. I like writing, so does she. Its like my friend found someone exactly like me but so muchh more talented. I don't know who to go to. And i know what you're thinking...my parents? No way. They've been married for 32 years yet still argue constantly...they scream at each other and i hate being at home too... They throw things, they have tantrums, they walk out on each other. And They yell at me too. It's like living and being raised by two teenagers. My dad is like a teenage girl from the 70s. He's so dramatic (no offense to anybody who was once a teenage girl from the 70s...) But he doesnt listen, all he cares about is himself, and he's literally thrown me out before leaving me into tears outside on a cold winter night. His excuse? "I thought she needed some air..."
I keep this book. And I write down how many times i've cried this year since septemmber. I'm at 32 so far. I don't know what to do anymore. I go from being terribly sad to extremely happy. And the only times i'm ever happy is when my boyfriend cheers me up by talking to me. I don't want to tell him i'm depressed or anything...I dont want to scare him away :(
And yes, i've had thoughts of just running away or disappearing off the face of the earth.
It's hard. I'm tired of crying. I feel useless, small, and unworthy. At school, i have moments where in the middle of class i just want to cry. So i excuse myself, run in the bathroom, and cry. Like a stupid little girl. I'm so confused. Someone please help?? :(