I was diagnosed with mild to severe depression in seventh grade, I guess it stopped affecting me greatly in high school and throughout the first couple of years of college. I had some issues my first year of college, but with my R.A., I was able to keep it dormant for a while. She passed away and it triggered my depression. Was in an abusive relationship, and when I got the courage to get out of it, I met my guy (who would end up being my husband)... Things were going well... Until lately, I don't know what triggered it, but...
I guess, I'm having problems keeping myself happy for my husband's sake. It's hard when my husband hates everything in life, and he doesn't think I'm being a very positive influence. I am not sure if it's just me expecting too much from him to support me emotionally. I apparently make him miserable and, in return it makes me feel even worse. I've already contemplated life without him, and let's just say, I'd rather to die than to live my life without him.
I have lost so much weight and so much sleep because I am up all night worrying, worrying about
him leaving me or cheating on me. All this thinking is making me fall deeper in my emotions and pain. I have a journal, but I feel like I have no privacy to write in it because of all the people that live in here.
I need some advice on how I can keep him happy and at the same time, to keep me happy. I am sick of dealing with my depression issues. I don't want to turn to alcohol or painkillers or ... Even self-inflicting pain (I have done all of this in the past, and trust me, this is a situation where I never want it to happen). I really want to keep our marriage on top, and at the same time... To keep everyone happy.
EDIT: I just found out my husband isn't coming home tonight. He's going to this happy hour thing his company does every Friday. *sigh* He doesn't drink, and I'm afraid... Something might happen.
What do I do to avoid having a melt down and ruining everything I've worked so hard to accomplish? I don't want to let my depression get the best of me and make me lose my husband.
Post Edited (Smoonikins) : 6/11/2010 8:54:05 AM (GMT-6)