Thank you for responding to my post.
I won't say he has changed,it's just we both have started understanding each other alot better. Initially it was never like we were in a relationship,we never spend time talking to one another,or ever express ourselves to each other,it would just be awkward between us back than. It was alot like we were best friends for so long and suddenly the relation between us was different,and we were lacking the intimacy between us.
However now,we acc. feel for each other. We adjust and give each other time and space and I dunno it's just pretty good,the way I guess it should have been earlier.
It's would be also a very selfish decision for me to go and tell him,caz we both have been through so much in our personal lives and for once we both are having one thing in our life going well......for my conscience I could go and tell him and we would never ever be together. But the fact is that I love him and I know I would never ever do something like that again in my life to anyone. It is not me to cheat someone,even under the worst situations. Hence,I feel guilty that the one person closest to me,I cheated on him.
See I'm sure you see how I'm really battling with this. It's a decision to chose between keeping one secret and being with someone who loves me and who i love.....and telling it and losing everything in one go.
I cannot start the counselling alone as I don't earn.....And my parent won't listen to me. I feel very cooped up inside,like somethings tearing me apart. I still at times despair over the sexual abuse I was in during my childhood,done by my own cousin brother. It just feels horrible..... I feel like a burden to everyone with the emotionally needy person I'm. Even right now as I type I feel like I'm just a person with alot of problems and I'm bothering people with it.....
Also I mentioned earlier I get really breathless whenever these thoughts start clouding my mind. The worst breathing attack I ever got was in a train back to my city where my nails do turned purple.Since than it's been recurrent the breathlessness,a feeling like I'm suffocating. it doesn't go away.
hope to hear from you soon.....
Post Edited (annie.d12345) : 6/25/2010 9:14:13 AM (GMT-6)