Hello to all. I'm so glad to have found this forum. Please allow me to introduce myself.
I am 27 and have been suffering from depression for 7 years.
The last three months have been almost unbearable. My boyfriend of 8.5 years told me in April that he would not be returning from a 9 month-long relocation. He moved across the country last August for school and was supposed to return at the end of April for a job placement. However, he decided to take an internship there and now he can't tell me when he will be coming home.
When he delivered the news to me in April, I broke down. I thought I had everything under control and was coping with him being so far away, but when he told me, I immediately began to blame myself for his decision to stay away. To top it all off, I started thinking that he may have started a relationship with someone else and that was the reason he didn't want to come home. I began getting very obsessive, calling and texting way more than usual, to the point where he said he couldn't take it anymore and decided that we needed a break from each other.
So since early April we've been on a break and I've been so alone. I've pretty much lost all my friends in the past 7 years, and now I've also lost my boyfriend. I keep fixating on the fact that we were headed for marriage and now we don't even know if we can work things out. Yesterday would have marked our 9 years together.
We've only recently began to talk on the phone again and he explained to me what I wasn't comprehending in April, that he had no choice but to follow the job and that he was not seeing anyone else. The words he said at the end of one conversation keep resonating in my head. He told me to "work on loving yourself and you'll realise that I love you too." For so long, I've hated myself for the decisions I made that led to my depression. I am seeking help and slowly learning to let go of the past and love myself again.
I apologise for the long post. Thank you for reading.
I hope to be a regular visitor/contributor to this forum. It is a wonderful outlet.