I get heavy reading your post, so I know it must be 100 times worse for you. Being around that kind of over the top anger is so stressful. You are caught in the middle of an out of control situation between your sister and her oyfriend. The other night your sister crossed the line by getting physical....once that happens, it will happen again. If the two of them get out of control physical, call 911. Meanwhile, you need to protect yourself mentally. As inconvenient as it sounds, when the two of them get really heated, leave!! Go for a long walk, go to a friends house, go for a drive...anything, but get out of there. Listening to that stuff amd not being able to do anything about it, is very traumatizing which only weighs upon you more and drags you down. Try to tlak to your sister (when the boyfriend is not around). Tell her exactly as you see it...how this is changing her, how horrible it is for you, etc. See if she is willing to send the boyfriend packing. If not, is there anyway you can move out?? (I kind of don't think so from something you said). Yhis has to be especially awful for you because it sounded like you came from a pretty functional family. You also have the added stress of having a major support system move away...your parents. Do your parents know what is going on?? If not, is it time for them to know???? You cannot handle this alone. I am sure your paents would be appalled at what is happening. Is there a way you can visit them for a weekend to sort of regroup? Or spend the night with a friend?? You HAVE to know someway you can get away from their craziness to hang onto your sanity. You sound like a sensitive person and you are just getting dragged down further and further between work and the homefront. Is there anyway youcan seek counseling? Some counselors operate on a sliding fee scale with their fee based on your income. You should not have to live like this and your sister needs to open her eyes and realize she is in an abusive relationship Everytime you listem to them fight you are being abused in a secondary way. You can't stop their fights, but you can leave. I know it sucks to leave your own home because of them, but you just can't keep listening to them. Grab your books and go to the library or as I said, to a friends house. Put on headphones and listen to music, use ear plugs...you have to grab contrl where you can. You said you and your sister were very close and I am sure seeing her in this situation is heartbreaking for you and I think that is where some of the heaviness creeps in along with feeling helpless to change the situation. I am sure you are scared to death your sister will get hurt....if things get really roough, you have no choice but to call 911...don't feel guilty either...sometimes we do what we gotts do. I wish I could offer you more help emotionally...as I said I can feel your heaviness and I feel so badly for you. Keep posting...we are here for you. Try to hang in there.
Lots of hugs
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg