I think one of the biggest problems with depression and relationships, we are very self-absorbed. which comes off the our partner as not caring about them not realizing what our depresion does to them. But we do know that...just can't express in ways that help the relationship. Yes, we do have to be held accountable for what we do or not do, but totally responsible...I am not sure about that. Depression can speak loudly and not always truthfully. I know it is a fine line between being held accountable versus responsible.
You have to be held accountable for going off meds and the insecurities it has caused your wife. The best thing you can do is get back on meds, possibly seek counseling, snd do this for you and your relationship. You and your wife might benefit from couples counseling. Spouses can only go through so much before they declare they are done. I am not sure your wife has said she is done....she is just saying she refuses to go thru another bout of depresiion brought on by your non-compliance. That part of the depression you can control and she knows. You need to understand her disappointment and anger. Abd when you find yourself getting self-absorbed, try hard to bring the focus back to your relationship
I know I make it all seem "easy" but it is not at all. Most relationshios have mega difficulities when one partner is depressed. I know there have been many times my husband has been ready to call it quits when I have relapsed. It is like he just doesn't have the strength to go another tound with me. But whether it is fear of being alone or what, somehow I always manahe to get with the program just in time to save my marriage. Your wife does have to realize that there will be nore depressive episodes...maybe not as severe....all she can ask of you is you do the best you can, givwn the nature of the beast.
Hang in there...ask your wife ro hang in there with you. Wishing you all sorts of healthy growth in the relationship with your wife.
Andy...Just read so,e of your other posts...I do things backwards. That you are talking is a good thing. Try to get back to just good, okd chit-chat over a cup of coffee. Not every conversations has to be dead serious. Also, don't look too far into the future. I agree with everone who says take one day at a time. Learn to enjoy each other. I know there have been times in my marriage that my Bipolar disorder and depression get SO BIG that ut wngyfs the relationships Don't let depression become the central focus of your marriage.
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg