Karen & Aurora,
Thanks. I did check with DHS but I don't qualify for any sort of programs.
To top it all off my idiot mortgage company decided not to notify me about
my last court date & got a judgment for foreclosure against me. I'm not unhappy about
the foreclosure itself, but rather the fact that I was given a 90-day redemption period instead of a 30-day redemption period (which is standard, but I would have argued for a 30-day one b/c I don't want to keep paying condo fees for 3 more months if I can help it -- I want to move away from this nightmare) AND, worst of all, they are allowed to pursue me for the next 10 years to try to get the $100K difference between my loan & the amount it will sell for.
God help me, but I just can barely keep it together. My heart is beating so hard & I can hardly breathe from all the stress of this. I want out of here because I just keep alternating between thinking about
wanting to rip all the sockets out of the wall (no, I don't think I'd ever do it but gosh I'm so ANGRY right now I can see why people do stupid things like that) and wanting to tear all my hairs out (actually, I might do that).
I'm trying to figure out how to get to work in the morning without taking the El because I know I need to keep away from dangerous things when I'm feeling so angry and depressed and furious and scared and 500 other emotions all rolled into one.
It just seems like every time I start to feel like things are finally turning around for me, something goes horribly wrong & I just wonder what the point of it all is.
I totally don't have the hundreds of dollars it would cost to go see a psychiatrist (I'm still paying one off from a few years back & a counselor from last year -- I just have to keep switching providers & all that does is add to my guilt) but the stress of this all may land me there anyways. What is wrong with me?! Why does the universe hate me so much!!!
This stupid nightmare with the bank will mean that I still have to pay them over $100K more over the next 20-25 years, which works out to mean I paid $22K/year to live in this stupid nightmare condo and it's going to haunt me for what likely will be the rest of my life (medical condition means short life). I was always okay with living to 55 or 60. It seemed old enough, but to now face the rest of my life paying for a condo I'm being evicted from & that made me so miserable nearly the whole time I lived here is just crushing. How horrible must I be to have to carry that weight around forever?
Plus it means that all those psych ward bills from a couple years back that I put on credit cards -- which I thought I could pay off within the next 2 years -- will not be paid off for at least 10-11 years. Every time I get the bill I get angry again b/c there was no reason for what they did to me. They knew my TSH test was way high, but they put me on a/d meds anyways -- making me worse, landing me back in the hospital where they gave me more a/d meds, making me even worse, and so on until finally my hair fell out & my dermatologist said I needed to be on meds for thyroid. Turns out that's what I needed all along [and maybe something for anxiety sometimes, but definitely thyroid & depression meds don't mix]. So I have to relive that every time I
open my credit card bill. Now that's gonna be for at least another decade.
Guess I won't be putting anything behind me. I will just live in hell for as long as I'm on this earth.