Saving a friendship

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 7/17/2010 5:02 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been at my job for 3.5 years.  It started out great then it went to not so much.  Has anyone worked for friends?  That is my situation.  I am begining to think that the friendship is going south.  At first she was very protective of me of her husband.  They own the place where I work.  For what ever reason, I have never really got along with him.  He is a nice guy but you never know one moment to the next what his mood will be.  My family and friends live about 1/2 hour from me.  I would go in usually on Wed. evenings and weekends and stay with family.  Last June I started spending alot of time at my dad's due to his health issues, but would go to work every day.  Well, I would say 2-3 months ago he (my boss) came out for something and before leaving he informed that I was to be at the complex in which I manage, 24/7.  That really upset me but eventually I decided that was crazy.  I do not get paid enough to stay out there 24/7.  Well, one Fri. they stopped by on their way out of town.  Things happened and were said, that normally would not have meant a thing, but this time it was like the straw that broke the camels back and I lost it.  I sent her an e-mail apologizing.  I had alot of things going on from different avenues in my life.  We e-mailed back and forth a couple of times since then.  I told her how her husbands comments to me. esp. about me staying out there 24/7.  She replied back that I was creating my own monsters, and she said whenever I am around them I have been hostile.  I wrote back asking what she meant.  She told me I worry about things too much.  I replied that I wanted to know what she meant by me being hostile.  I do not see it and wanted an explanation so I could be aware of behavior around them.  She never replied.  I called her yesterday to ask something and apparently I called at a bad time.  She came across somewhat rude, when all she needed to say was she was sorry but she was busy and would call me back later.  I am really afraid the friendship is falling apart, and I am devastated.  I realize it is very hard to seperate employment from friendshhip.  All she wants to do when I do go over is discuss work.  I have tried explaining that when I leave work and shut the door, I need and want to leave work behind.  I do not know if she understands what I am telling her or chooses to ignor it.  Work is not my whole life.  I realize he thinks so since he has told me on several occasions I was to be out there at the complex 24/7.  I have been told several times I have job security there as long as the own the complex.  It is really tough to find a job out there now.  Plus who knows if another job would last.  It really is to my advantage to stay where I am, and actually I love my job most of the time.  I realize this is somewhat of a unique situation.  I just do not want to lose the friendship, but do not know how to restore it.  Too bad we can't just send emails when we are going thru rough times saying...I am havng a rough time right now and will be for the next several days or weeks or whatever so the other knows to handle with care...if that makes sense.  She will "yell" at me at times and although I would never say anything, sometimes makes me feel stupid.  If anyone else is upset with me or vice versa, I may go several days with no contact with that person.  I would do that with her but, if she calls and I don't answer she will get upset with me.  I just think we (as a quote from Friends, need a break.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 7/17/2010 5:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Only work the hours that you get paid for.  Is there a contract or anything that states how many hours you are to be available? 
It is hard when you are working for a friend.  It is not good to mix money and friendship in that way.  Somewhere along the line they are going to expect too much from you. 
Does she ever apologize when she yells at you?  I think I understand how you feel when you say she makes you feel stupid.  Maybe you should keep it strictly business.  Try talking to her.  See what happens.  Or have you tried that? 
Best of luck with this situation.  I know that it can't be easy.  But don't let them treat you badly.  Maybe they need you more than you need them.  I would be lining up another job just in case.  It never hurts to have options.  Not saying that you need to, but it wouldn't hurt to put yourself out there.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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