Hello. I am new and apologize because I have never been told that i suffer from depression by a dr or anything. I just needed somewhere to turn and vent and see if anyone has any thoughts on how to keep myself motivated. I have been caring for a terminally ill parent for eight years now. Three of them on my own. I have three siblings. One is a drug addict in rehab but still struggling to fight the urges and losing the battle it seems (this one used to help me out but is now not trustworthy). One has every disease under the sun (or so they say and only has time to care for themself). And the other just choses to be completly uninvolved unless it's just to stop and visit and go on about thier day ignoring any pleas for help. I have learned over the years that i cant change other people but only how I react to them so it's a waste of my time getting uspet that they wont/cant help me. Over the past two years my other parent (they are separated) has been dealing with cancer and also needs help from time to time and is facing very risky surgery in the next few weeks.
So, I am feeling soooooooooo overwhelmed. I dont have enough hours in a day to take care of everyones needs, work full time, and try to keep my own household up and running. I have to grocery shop for 3 houses, clean two, do laundry for two, manage finances for two, maintain the yards at three. Not to mention my work is overwhelmingly stressful and i never ever stop moving there. I'd love to find another job but fmla doesnt kick in for a year and i miss work often so i would have trouble keeping another job. Not working is not an option as I have bills to pay as well as have to help my parents with med costs, food expenses, etc. I never ever ever get a break. Even if someone offers to tend to the terminally ill parent I cant rest unless i see for myself that things are tended to because i have been doing it for so long and no one else knows exactly what needs done.
I haven't been able to sleep for months. I often wake in a complete panic with an unshakable feeling that something is horribly wrong - despite the fact that I know that nothing is truely earth shatteringly wrong.
People say i should just hire help - thats financially not possible. Some say i should force my siblings to help - thats a losing battle.
Lately i find myself very upset - whether it be like a raging lunatic or a sobbing ball of mess. I have to keep reminding myself to get it together and go on about my day.
I really just dont know how one person is supposed to be able to single handly do all this yet there are no resources to alievate some of the pressures of myself.