Hey Wounded Healer, you are most certainly not alone in this predicament. The situations that you and vballplayingirl explained are practically mirrored in my life as well. I have always been the mediator, problem solver, sense talker of any friends or family. The one thing that differs in my situation is that I am clearly dealing with some difficult things right now and it is apparent to others.
I think that you are exactly correct about
the fact that if we have dealt with or are dealing with similar problems, that can give us an edge on easily pinpointing the solutions to others problems. The thing is, doing that does not involve any willpower of OURS, it only takes thinking, experience, just make the few connections that they haven't been able to alone. Now if in introspective examination, we find the same exact problem, so easily solved in your mind for another...but when we are the ones who then need to step up and bite the bullet, take on whatever issue it is, that goes beyond our abilities to help other people completely. One would probably say at first glance that a "healer" should be able to help themselves with the same abilities...but the fact of the matter is that actually DOING has very little to do with the thinking and solving used to help others.
Also for people like us, finding someone who can understand your problems and supply answers is not terribly easy. Either way though, taking that thought one step further just lands you back at the fact that we most likely know what we need to do, it's just a matter of willpower, motivation, confidence...and sad as it is none of those things are generally supplied by other people, they are found within yourself and with God.
I have been going through a very very rough patch as of late, but I may be starting to see some shafts of sunlight through the gloom. I was considering starting to post again this morning and wasn't exactly sure if I would, but reading this post seemed very oddly spot on to my own feelings and also is oddly coincidental that I finally check the forum and find your post at the top. I figure this is one of those situations that I'm presented with that I probably shouldn't just ignore. God gives us lighthouses to help us along our rough journey. When your vision is filled with only the crashing of waves, your ears deafened by the howling of the wind as it attempts to cripple your vessel...anyone familiar with boating knows you need to keep moving forward else you will be capsized by a wave when it t-bones the boat. When all seems lost and you have no direction...that is when you must look the hardest, don't give up hope of glimpsing the light. That is when He will provide, sometimes in small ways and sometimes in big, a light for you to right yourself by. Direction amidst the chaos of life...something that gives you the bearings needed to keep moving forward. Just as in the actual storm, the only way to make it past, through, or out of our personal storms is to trudge on. Keep moving forward because it is better than floundering helplessly, without even a chance to help yourself.
You could think of it like being lost in a corn field, when I was young I remember that being a somewhat frightening experience...you can't see a way out, only an endless field of obstacles blocking your view. Now though I realize that the only way out sometimes is to just move. If you panic and sit down in the field, you're never getting out...but if you just push for long enough, eventually you will step clear of the last corn row. Now, the next time you find yourself in a field you will still have to get yourself out, but you will be that much more knowledgeable and ready to do so. That is what makes some people good at helping, they have just been through a lot of "fields", leaving them with a more complete "map" with which to guide others. It would also mean that they have struggled similarly themselves, or even still do.
Before I found this forum I almost never let anything out. I never talked with anyone about
my own problems because of my familiarity with being on the other side of that equation, and feeling weird about
that idea. When I was able to finally let loose of that weight, I had been dragging it alone for so long that I hardly remembered what it was like to be free of the burden. The beauty about
this place is that you can talk and work through your problems with us, leaving you more able to help others without having that odd flipped situation of telling them your problems. I'm glad I found your post, it prompted me to write this huge reply and I think that I needed that. I hope that some of my ranting can apply to your difficulties, and possibly that my maps might help you through some of your fields.
Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 7/20/2010 3:57:11 AM (GMT-6)