Hi there Stressmamaof2, firstly I think it is a good thing that you are looking to work through these problems, that is always the first step. This is a pretty big coincidence, and that is really what prompted my responding to your post, but your story very very closely reflects my mothers.
My mom has been treated for depression for about
27 years now, anxiety, and a few other things. She is a mother of two, but between myself and my brother she lost a child. What she has talked to me about
how she finally was able to cope is quite similar to what Karen (getting by) said. She realizes that God is holding all the cards...if a child is supposed to come into this world, then by God (literally here) it will. The child that she lost could have been born with serious birth defects, could have lived a number of years...but how much of a life would it really be? When a child is lost in such a manner it is usually connected to other issues, maybe God decided that he was going to take this one home now, not force it to face the same problems that we now do in our lives...possibly made even more complicated by further health problems... I know that these things don't take away that sinking feeling right away...I myself have dealt with loss, and that feeling takes some time to reshape. Trust in God, trust that He most certainly does know best, and that your baby is right now, this moment, in heaven with God Himself...feeling only the bliss of the unknown unique happiness that must be had there. No pain, no problems, none of what we have to struggle through. Your baby is so so much happier than we could ever perceive on this earth
Additionally, my mother lost her father when she was 14 to a massive heart attack. He had heart difficulties for about
20 years, suffered somewhere in the region of 10 heart attacks before the final one took him. Her mother was vindictive and mentally abusive in more ways that I would want to explain in detail. She was constantly shouldered with being responsible for the health of her father, dealing with her mothers insanity, and also taking care of her older brother who was a terrible alcoholic. about
7 years ago, both her brother and mother died within a span of 6 months. Her brother by a massive heart attack (just like her father), and then not months later her mother to leukemia. For all of us this was difficult...but for her it was devastating. She will most likely never fully recover, those people will never be back in THIS world, but there is a realization to be had. She knows that she will see them in the blink of an eye that is the rest of each of our lives. She literally has lost all her near family, only a few cousins left...but she has realized that she has a new one now. That doesn't lessen the importance or remembrance of the ones lost, but she now has my father, my brother, and myself. She has struggled extremely hard, fallen so many times, but we are there for her now, still, and will continue to support her. She was focused so much on keeping her father alive, her mother happy, and her brother from drinking...for so many years...that she didn't know how to cope/deal/react to not having that focal point there anymore. She found that the solution was to change that point of focus, she moved it to her present family, and found that in doing that the voids left by her losses were filled. She didn't forget them, or stop loving them as much as before, but just realized that it is what it is...focusing on the loved ones still in her life was the only and best thing that she could do for herself, and for them.
God will give you the strength you need, all you need is to ask... No matter if you have rejected Him in any way in the past, all you need is to ask forgiveness. Give Him a chance, ask for strength, peace of mind, focus in your life, to help you be the best person that you can be. The shortness that you are having with your family will change also, they will forgive you (I'm sure they already do), God will forgive you (I know He already does). When you can reach these conclusions...you will notice such an upswing in your life, your mood, everything. Put those stresses, worries, troubles...just put them in God's hands and He will take care of them as He sees fit, and take care of you as well. It will give you the frame of mind and ability to focus on your family, they are who need you the most now. Letting God back into your life may be just the thing you need to reach that calm, the happiness that you so seek.
You are most certainly not alone, with your family who loves you dearly, always with God (even if you push Him away He never leaves), and now you have us on Healingwell if you would have us. I will pray for your strength and guidance, I truly hope you can find the path that brings you to happiness Stressedmamaof2. You can do it
Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 7/21/2010 9:12:03 PM (GMT-6)