Does anyone know how i can deal with this pain ??

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/21/2010 2:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Okay so i was just through a super hard breakup with my 1st love .we went out for 3 years and i loved him with my life. he broke up with me through a text message saying he didnt like me anymore and well i was devastated.. "/ Its been 2 months since the breakup and im trying super hard to go through this. ya know? ive gone out with my friends and wrote down my feelings, listened to songs that arent all about mushy mushy love and ive cried as hard as ive ever cried in my life. Now im makin some progress (little but some) but my friends are afraid im falling into a depression. Sometimes i eat sometimes i can go days without eating. I barely sleep anymore and i get irritable super easily and then just burst into tears. Im pretty sure its about the breakup since i keep dreaming about him and when i see his pictures it hurts terribly. Now when i cry no tears come out i just feel this huge pain in my heart and like a knife is being stuck in my stomach and i cry with no tears, sometimes tears do come out though..I dont get it. Why is this happening..the crying like that i mean? and is there any way i  can get rid of this pain of needing him? im running out of options. confused   If anyone has any ideas.. idea it would be super appreciated by me (: thanks so much for readin . please helpp!

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 7/21/2010 3:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi c1c4,
Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum.  What you are going through I think is normal.  Especially with how much you loved him. 
If you feel you are really depressed, I would suggest talking to your family doctor and hopefully they will set you up with some counseling.  Maybe even medication if you want to go that way. 
It sounds like you could use some help.  It is hard getting over a serious relationship that has ended.  And I am so sorry that you are hurting so.  It takes time though.  So take your life one day at a time and continue to heal.  Be patient with yourself.  Do something nice for yourself too.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 7/21/2010 10:18 PM (GMT -6)   

Boy can I relate to your post. My story is not the exact same, but the outcome of the situation is dead on. I think it's toooootally fine that you went through a huge grieving process--losing someone you love in that kind of situation (breakup via text) is difficult...and why shouldn't you feel hurt? My experience like yours happened six months ago, and I still think about him and I still cry every once and awhile when I hear a song that reminds me of him, or I come across a letter he wrote in a drawer. I'll just say what I did/do still to ease the hurt...I hope it helps you or at least reinforces that it is possible to get through hurt like this...although I know it seems impossible to do.
I used my friends and family as a therapist basically. I didn't go to see a professional, but I vented out my feelings and talked everything out to them. My friends were terribly concerned about me afterwards as well. It's hard to convince people that you just aren't completely over the situation yet...when they feel like you should be. Truth is, no one can tell you when you're ready to move on. No one can tell you "Hey, you've grieved long enough, suck it up" Loss is tough. I get where you're coming from. I bet you've been replaying events and conversations over and over in your head thinking what could have gone differently. My advice if this is true--stop. Things played out the way they did for a reason. Soon it will probably sink in that you can keep going. Life does not stop because someone hurts you. Take baby steps. Get outside, clear your head. Dive head on into a project of some sort, or a new hobby. Go out to new places and meet new people--not necessarily guys, just anyone. New friends are a breath of fresh air at a time like this. Slowly put away any pictures, memorabilia etc. No need to destroy them, this guy was a huge part of your life for a long time. I kept all the letters and pictures of my guy. I just keep them in a drawer and occassionally look at them--but I've come to terms with what happened.
Honestly, there is no real answer on how to move on and "get over it" Keep eating, keep going about your day, just throw in some new activities, new people. Crying and staying in bed all day do not solve anything. Trust me on that one, once you get out there and start getting back into the swing of things, old routines, you feel better. Your life will adjust without this guy in it. Your happiness is not dependant on him being around.
The best advice I can give you is to try. Try to get back into routines, find new interests, do something new. Try to think positive and be thankful you have great friend that care about you and are concerned. Use them as your support system. Keep thinking positive and remind yourself constantly that you deserve to be happy and you have the chance to--you just have to LET yourself be happy without this guy. That's the hardest part in my opinion. I didn't WANT to be happy without my guy...but then I realized finally that he wasn't coming back and that I was strong enough to appreciate the time I had with him, and move on to bigger and better things. Personally, I realized how crying and missing him were not doing anything for me positively. You will reach that step where one day you're just think about it and figure're doing better. I really think this will happen for you, but time...heals wounds better than anything. So cliche, I know, but after a certain period of time, which is different for every person, you'll find yourself thinking about him less and less and thinking about how great your doing instead.

Best of luck to you!

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there”

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