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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 7/22/2010 3:32 PM (GMT -6)   
havn't been on in a while because I've been on a school camping trip with the whole of my year group.
basically, it's the summer holidays tommorrow so i get to get away from the worst place ever, I know most teens hate school, but I really do hate it (more about that in a bit)
Things at home are tense and me and my mum are always arguing and fighting and it's really getting me down. We try and get aling but it just doesn't work. Nothing seems to be right and we just argue all day everyday and I just want to get out the house most of the time because it's like walking on eggshells at home. Holiday in 2 weeks time, but I don't want to go, family holidays never turn out well.
School. Well, the girls are still giving me mega trouble. They just won't stop. If I walk past they bark like dogs or whisper things or give me dirty looks or anything really. It doesn't seem like much, but I know that most of my school hates me so it is kind of annoying when I know everyone talks crap about me. I only have 3 real friends, 1 of which is moving schools tommorrow and another is my boyfriend.
Things aren't looking up at the moment. For no reason I just cry into my pillow at night and I wish I could just be happy. I try to forget everything and everyone bad in my life, but it feels like they are always there and everything bad eventually chases me and catches me. I'm scared of ruining things so I try and keep a distance or not to be too close to people, because I know in the end I am going to loose them and I don't want to put myself through the pain again. One of my best friends is leaving my school and she was one of the only people who stick up for me and actually shouts at the bullies, she is always there for me to talk to but now she's going I don't know what I'm going to do. I know eventually me and my boyfriend are going to split up (hopefully not soon) and I don't want to get to close after the last incedent; the last boyfriend I went out with for over a year before splitting up with started the depression and all the bullying and everything bad at school. It's his fault that I hate going to the school, but I know I should of been a better girlfriend and done more of what he wanted and maybe things would be different and I wouldn't be unhappy most of the time. Anyway, my current boyfriend is so kind and caring but I'm scared I am going to get hurt again, and I don't want to be hurt again, it's hard to explain but I just don't want to be hurt. My best friend who isn't leaving school is eventually going to go to a different college than me and I'm going to be left with noone because we will drift apart. If I start this process now then it will hurt less in the long run. It's better to have friends than best friends. You get hurt less.
Today we had an assembly on looking on the bright side of each day and depression and the results of it and effects. We were told to think of one good thing about each day, and my good thing today was being with my best friend and boyfriend. But when I'm happy I always have this little something niggling in the corner, because I know as soon as that happiness is gone I will be worse than ever. Recently I've cried for no reason at night other than hating everything, sometimes I go to school and refuse to speak to people, even my friends, because I just feel too unhappy to speak. It's hard to explain. Everything was fine until 5 months ago- but since the incedent with my ex and the bullies everything has turned upside down and been ruined.
This summer is going to be bad, I can tell. I'm in a downwards spiral. I'm doing everything I can to break the rules at home and I don't know why. I steal drinks off my mum and came home drunk last weekend, I argue with her all the time and pick fights with my siblings.
On the bus I had a fight with a girl who used to be a friend, we slapped, punched, bit and kicked each other. There was no real winner.
Everything is bad at the moment. I'm a a real low patch.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/22/2010 4:59 PM (GMT -6)   
The first thing that I am going to tell you sweetie is that alcohol just makes depression worse.  So stop drinking.  And it lasts for days.  Just from one night of drinking.  So please for your sake, stop. 
Secondly, I am so sorry that you are getting bullied at school and that your ex is doing a lot of it.  He is unhappy and wants you to be unhappy too.  The others are just going along with it.  And I suspect that by next school year, they will have moved on to somebody else. 
Thirdly, try not to think so negative.  You said that the summer is going to be horrible, you don't know that yet.  It might surprise you and be fun.  You may meet some new people and learn that life is not so bad after all.
Try not to pick fights with your siblings.  This just makes a bad atmosphere all the way around.  Not only for others but for yourself too. 
Keep your chin up, think positive.  Go for walks, walking is good for us.  Find some hobbies to do during the summer. 
Don't be afraid of relationships and getting hurt.  We all go through that and you grow.  You will find what makes you happy.  Things will get better for you.
Take care my friend,
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 7/22/2010 5:20 PM (GMT -6)   
first off i am sorry about how you feel. have you tried talking with you mom? i bet she sees you unhappy and hurting and has no way of knowing how to help you. and the drinking isnt helping matters. karen is right it is a depressent not to mention it is a slow killer. i think if you and your mom sat down and talked about what is bothering you and why you are always fighting you can work it out. i know if it was the same in my house i would be glad to sit with my daughter and find out why we were fighting and work to correct it. as for the ex, dont let it bother you. if they know it effects you they will keep doing it so act as if you dont hear it and they will get bored. how do i know you wonder? because i was bullied in school. i once had the entire school try to beat me up because a freind of a friend was jealous of my friendship with her friend and told the school i called them the N word. i didnt say it but they believed her and even the assistant principal accused me of it. if it wasnt for my principal at the time i would have dropped out in the sixth grade. finally i got tired of it and ignored them and after a few weeks of them not getting the attention they left me alone and hell even some of them apologized. it started again in high school until they realized i wont back down and they left me alone again. we make our own happiness and once you learn to control your happiness you will realize that these minor things dont matter. dont worry if you and your boyfriend will last or not. you are in school and there will be plenty of boys in your life and one day you will meet your future husband. and if you are meant to be then you guys will last. enjoy the here and now with him and not worry about the future. take one day at a time and enjoy it too the fullest as life is to short to worry. good luck.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 7/23/2010 4:27 AM (GMT -6)   
hang in there, jamie. sending healings your way.

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