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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/30/2010 9:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi people, this is the first time I have ever posted on this website - or on a depression message board at all actually. Im a 21 yr old female, living in Brighton and London in England, and I'm a ***. I decided to post because I have recently been diagnosed with depression (about 4 months ago), but my doctor read my notes and suggested that I have actually been suffering with it since I was 13 (rubbish Dr right?!), he has not put me on any meds, and I really really do not want therapy.
My background which could have contributed to my depression I guess would be that I was in care for a short while when I was a younger, and was brought up by my mother - who was amazing but also suffered from depression, so I had to witness her attempt suicide on more than one occasion and visit her in mental hospitals, I lost my 20 year old brother when I was 11 and I was bullied from the age of 8 until I was 16. I recently had an affair with the love of my life - who also happens to be my best friend, we were seeing each other for about 4 months and then she split with her GF, and we finally made love and spent the week together as a couple (behind closed doors) - she then went back to her GF, and now - as she's my best friend, I have to see them together ALL the time, while no one knows. I think this is contributing to my depression at the moment, and I feel as if I have no one to speak to. I tried to , and now I feel that because my friends do not fully understand depression, that they cannot support me. Its almost as if they have forgotten that it ever happened and they think i'm back to 'normal'. I'm not looking for counselling on here, just needed to let out some things, and speak to some people who are going through the same emotions as I am, so I know i'm not alone. I cant sleep at night, and wake up early in the morning at a ridiculous time, and can't get back to sleep. I often have vivid dreams of what I want my life to be like which puts me in a bad mood as soon as I wake up, and then I will randomly go into a bad mood in the day. I'm just learning right now how to accept the fact that I have depression, as I am struggling to cope with the fact that I have a mental disorder. I would just like someone to give me advice on how to cope in these first few months of acceptance and any good advice on dealing with it.
Thanx guys.
Please read forum rules, we are not to discuss suicide on thi s forum.  Thank you...  Keep posting as we are here for you...  Hugs, Karen

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/31/2010 6:47:04 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 7/30/2010 10:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HW! I know you said you want to see a counselor, but I know from my own experience that it's not too likely that your friends will want to deal with the fact that you have depression or that they will want to listen to you talk about most of the sad things in your life. There sometimes are a few brave souls who prove the exception, but most people do just want to pretend that everything's okay. And if you try to push them to listen, they will stop coming around. You might try reading through some of the posts here because that is a fairly common story here in the Depression forum, even among those of us who are blessed to have strong friendships.

Counselors want to listen to people "vent" about their problems. And beyond that, they receive special training about how to cope with hearing people continue to vent for long periods of time. And beyond that, certain types of counselors can also help give advice about how to cope with all the stress that our problems can bring on us. There are a lot of different types of therapists -- art therapists, music therapists, dance/movement therapists, cognitive-behavioral therapists, talk therapists, etc. So no matter which way you feel most comfortable expressing yourself, there are different types of therapies to help.

Based on what you wrote, it really does seem like therapy would probably be the best option. If you're still unwilling to try it out, there are some things you can do on your own that might help a little -- though ultimately you would still need to face your "demons". Some people are able to face all the horrors of their life without any kind of coach to help them through (not too many are), so maybe that would work for you. Generally, it just means choosing healthy behaviors: going to sleep at a regular time, eating at regular intervals & eating healthy, balanced meals, drink plenty of water, exercising on a daily basis (at least 30 minutes, more if you are especially angry or upset), spending regular time around caring people, etc. In addition, it would mean on your own taking a fearless inventory of your own life &, one by one, facing each of those things that are contributing to your depression. That requires you to know your limits & to stop thinking about those things for a while if they are causing your depression to get much worse and/or if you are thinking about suicide.

Facing our problems is hard work. Really, really hard work. It's scary & in almost every case it means that our depression gets worse for a while instead of better (there are lots of studies in many countries showing that). So you need to get to a little better place before starting that inventory without the help of a therapist. Once you get into your healthy behaviors routine, eventually you will have a day or so when you are feeling better & can try starting your personal inventory. Then you may need to wait a while & just emotionally rest. Keep up with your routine & when you're ready again, you can start back where you left off.

idk. I hope that helps. Facing depression is not easy, but I will say that while I can't relate to your exact story, I too had a pretty raw deal growing up. And shortly into my adult life, I had some bad situations that just really reminded me of growing up. I was so depressed & wanted to die for years. I had one really good counselor a while back (an art therapist/music therapist who also did some behavioral therapy) and she helped me a lot with identifying what I was feeling & talking about what kind of horrors I faced growing up. I never really had the chance to talk about them when they happened & I just kinda pretended for a long time like they didn't matter, but that all caught up with me when I decided to teach young children. And my world came crashing in around me. I did get help from her & from one other counselor (and I had a few who were pretty well useless); that, together with a lot of support from friends, extended family & pastors, helped me be able to make some more progress on my own. I read a lot of books, volunteered with anti-suicide advocacy groups, talked to other people with depression & tried out a bunch of different activities to see what could get my mind off of my problems for an hour or so at a time. I volunteered at a crisis line for a few years (it's amazing how therapeutic counseling someone against committing suicide can be) and then found Healing Well. It's been a long journey & I still have some days where I struggle, but it's night & day from where I was before. Almost every day, I can manage to be somewhat happy. I almost never think about harming myself anymore & when I do, instead of attempting again, I remind myself that I just need a break from things & immediately pick a fun, relaxing activity with other people and get out & do it. It's not been easy, but it can be done.

I wish you well on your journey. Keep us posted on how things are going.


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 7/31/2010 7:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,
Welcome to the forum.  Since you don't want therapy, which I feel you need, I am going to post a site that might help you.  It is like online therapy and it is free.
Check it out and see if it helps. 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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