Hi people, this is the first time I have ever posted on this website - or on a depression message board at all actually. Im a 21 yr old female, living in Brighton and London in England, and I'm a ***. I decided to post because I have recently been diagnosed with depression (about 4 months ago), but my doctor read my notes and suggested that I have actually been suffering with it since I was 13 (rubbish Dr right?!), he has not put me on any meds, and I really really do not want therapy.
My background which could have contributed to my depression I guess would be that I was in care for a short while when I was a younger, and was brought up by my mother - who was amazing but also suffered from depression, so I had to witness her attempt suicide on more than one occasion and visit her in mental hospitals, I lost my 20 year old brother when I was 11 and I was bullied from the age of 8 until I was 16. I recently had an affair with the love of my life - who also happens to be my best friend, we were seeing each other for about 4 months and then she split with her GF, and we finally made love and spent the week together as a couple (behind closed doors) - she then went back to her GF, and now - as she's my best friend, I have to see them together ALL the time, while no one knows. I think this is contributing to my depression at the moment, and I feel as if I have no one to speak to. I tried to , and now I feel that because my friends do not fully understand depression, that they cannot support me. Its almost as if they have forgotten that it ever happened and they think i'm back to 'normal'. I'm not looking for counselling on here, just needed to let out some things, and speak to some people who are going through the same emotions as I am, so I know i'm not alone. I cant sleep at night, and wake up early in the morning at a ridiculous time, and can't get back to sleep. I often have vivid dreams of what I want my life to be like which puts me in a bad mood as soon as I wake up, and then I will randomly go into a bad mood in the day. I'm just learning right now how to accept the fact that I have depression, as I am struggling to cope with the fact that I have a mental disorder. I would just like someone to give me advice on how to cope in these first few months of acceptance and any good advice on dealing with it.
Please read forum rules, we are not to discuss suicide on thi s forum. Thank you... Keep posting as we are here for you... Hugs, Karen
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/31/2010 6:47:04 AM (GMT-6)