New Guy Age 19

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 8/5/2010 10:42 PM (GMT -6)   
New guy here
This is really hard for me, but I know I have do so something or I may not be here much longer. I know talking like that only make matters worse and is sorta more a mind set, but I just cant set my self straight. I tend to blame everyone around me for my problems which I don't know the truth from fiction (one of the reasons I hate consulars). I was sub-jested medication Low dose but I hate treating mental damage with a pill. So I decided that even if it kills me I will not take medication. I tried everything I can think of to cure this problem music, , liquier, consulaers, reading, talking, physical activity,  and the list continues Of course some of those are negative thing and other are positive. I only go to the Negative when I need something quick to stop me from well . There is only once that I spare the moment all most jumped but I turned my head and all that could stop me is not to day just not today. I had mental break downs in the past. I Lived in a place I like to call hell this is the same place where most of my past took place even though I'm out of that situation I still bugs me and days like to day they consume me. I'm scared what I may do spare the moment so some times I call some really good friends, but I feel that they are becoming distant because of me. I would do the same in there shoes so I don't blame them what so ever in stead i blame my self. I don't know I could go on forever at the moment I guess what I'm looking from is a bit of help I'm really scared. The thing I'm looking for most at the moment is to chat so if some one could tell me the days that chat is up for this topic I would really like that many thanks. :D

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/6/2010 6:35:12 AM (GMT-6)

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/6/2010 1:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello. I just want to say thank you for the reply.
But like you, we do both think the same. I have in the past thought about ending it all. Yet, to me it seems selfish also if we don't have life then what do we really have right?
Depression is a horrible feelin and not having anyone there through it only makes it worse. Yeah alchol and weed may be a simple and quick fix but when your sober it all comes back again... In my opinion I believe you need to figure out the real problem, not to blame other people but try to realize exactly why you blame them or is it really yours? It may be denial about you being wrong.
I just really would like to hear that you don't want to end it now, and if there is anything i could say that would help.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 8/6/2010 7:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Josh,

I posted to you on another thread, but I would like ot welcome you again. Please note that in the forum rules, we are not to talk about drugs, self harm or suicide. Please read rules before posting any further. Thank you in advance for this.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 8/6/2010 10:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Wanted to welcome you & say I'm sorry for what you're going through. Dealing with depression is a long journey. I wish there was a way to just knock it out of your system (there's currently one drug being researched in the US -- I think it's in Phase 3 -- that is showing promise of doing that, but it's not approved yet in US or any other Western country), but so far it just means continuing to choose positive behavior & thoughts and then just continuing to do so for many many months until things start to turn around. I've been where you are & I do understand how hopeless everything seems but they don't have to stay like that.
Keep eating healthy, keep exercising, keep making positive choices instead of negative ones. And if you haven't already done so, go see a generalist to see if there might be something medical contributing to your depression.

I totally understand what you say about talking about things making them worse. I know that was the case for me. Seeing a talk therapist made things so much worse. I did see an art therapist for a while & that did help some. But mostly it was just always making the positive choice, even when I really didn't feel like it. After a few years, now I'm starting to rebuild friendships & make new friends. I've been through some really rough times (mostly due to the huge cost of getting treatment -- not always the right treatment -- and the related debt from that), but things are finally turning around. I've lost my home, but have a fresh start at making new memories. I lost my job, but found another one (over a year later) that pays 40% more. I lost a lot of friends -- and some of them will never come back -- but I've found new ones who understand me & stand by me through thick & thin. All that was SOOOOOO hard to go through at the time, but now that I'm coming out of all those messes I feel so much lighter. Like you, I am still haunted sometimes by my past (including ongoing physical issues related to damage caused when I was young) but I have so many happy experiences that my past affects me much less than it used to. One thing someone here suggested that really helped me a ton was to just have it out with my abuser. I screamed & yelled & cursed & blamed at length. And when that wasn't enough, I went back 2 days later & screamed some more. After a third time, I finally got out all those things that had been eating away at me for so long. It was a huge weight off of me. The flashbacks still come at times, but the heavy weight that I had all the time, always feeling like somehow I still had to keep all these secrets, was gone. Maybe that could help you. idk.

Good luck with everything. Hang in there -- things really can get better.


Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 8/6/2010 12:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Im going be truthful but try not to take it to heart but your words mean crap to me. My past is still active today due to me being not strong enough to distance my self from my family. I Think I just lost my job today along with revising a $1000.00 visa lucky me...NOT. Today I dont feel like death but it hurts so much. I cant find the words to descipe it. This might sound meaningless but I not one of those people who don't try. People told me that I'm a hard worker and all that crap. However all of that is meaning less because The world is ****ed. I phone my consular and of course she did not answer most likely being with another emo client who sits there and ''acts''like they want help but don't Liston to the advice anyways. I got like no sleep last night so that really don't make things any better. Is there anything at all I can do to make the pain stop

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 8/6/2010 1:44 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't mean this offensively, but I think a change in the attitude you have about your depression is necessary to "make the pain stop" as you said. If you look at it from every single negative angle, of course you're still going to feel bad. I'm speaking from personal experience on that one. I'm 20. Had depression since I was 16. And the way your looking at it in my opinion is less than helpful. Easier said than done to try and fix that since it seems like you think nothing is helping, but I changed the way I looked at having depression...went from feeling sorry for myself and hating life because I didn't feel happy to accepting that this is something a lot of people deal with and life doesn't just quit when someone is depressed...
I know it's hard to think positive when so much bad stuff is going on in your life, but not everything is bad. Maybe think of it that way. Focusing on the going to make you feel bad. Pretty simple concept. Find something that went right...and at least for a minute you don't feel so bad.

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there”

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 8/6/2010 3:37 PM (GMT -6)   
I know exactly what you are feeling. Its hard to live in that place where no one understands you. I've been there. But the important thing to try to remember is that everything lasts for a season. Some are short seasons and some are long seasons. But this will pass in time. I know that doesnt help you in the immediate and I'm sorry. Try to stay strong and try to remember that you were not an accident. God chose to bring you to this earth for a very special and serious reason. And no its not to be the father of someone who might one day be someone important like some might think. But you are that important person. It doesnt just impact you. It impacts your friends, your family, your future family (wife AND KIDS TO BE)
Suidice is not to be discussed on the forum, thanks in advance for understanding.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/6/2010 3:49:39 PM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 8/6/2010 4:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Im sorry but the only thing I got from that is the very thing I'm against.  I use to be a blind Christin until I found out what the words where really saying. Please be careful of religions they can steer you wrong. There are many different ones so I cant reflect on them all. At the moment I'm called an agnostic which is not know if something is there or not. There are not enough facts to prove it. If you wish to debate me on religion go to the posted link. you will learn many thing no matter what your religion is :D Thanks for trying
We are not to post links to other forums, you can email the link though.  Thanks for understanding.  Also we are not to be discussing religion on the forum.  It is posted in the forum rules.  Thank you...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/6/2010 3:48:39 PM (GMT-6)

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