Wanted to welcome you & say I'm sorry for what you're going through. Dealing with depression is a long journey. I wish there was a way to just knock it out of your system (there's currently one drug being researched in the US -- I think it's in Phase 3 -- that is showing promise of doing that, but it's not approved yet in US or any other Western country), but so far it just means continuing to choose positive behavior & thoughts and then just continuing to do so for many many months until things start to turn around. I've been where you are & I do understand how hopeless everything seems but they don't have to stay like that.
Keep eating healthy, keep exercising, keep making positive choices instead of negative ones. And if you haven't already done so, go see a generalist to see if there might be something medical contributing to your depression.
I totally understand what you say about talking about things making them worse. I know that was the case for me. Seeing a talk therapist made things so much worse. I did see an art therapist for a while & that did help some. But mostly it was just always making the positive choice, even when I really didn't feel like it. After a few years, now I'm starting to rebuild friendships & make new friends. I've been through some really rough times (mostly due to the huge cost of getting treatment -- not always the right treatment -- and the related debt from that), but things are finally turning around. I've lost my home, but have a fresh start at making new memories. I lost my job, but found another one (over a year later) that pays 40% more. I lost a lot of friends -- and some of them will never come back -- but I've found new ones who understand me & stand by me through thick & thin. All that was SOOOOOO hard to go through at the time, but now that I'm coming out of all those messes I feel so much lighter. Like you, I am still haunted sometimes by my past (including ongoing physical issues related to damage caused when I was young) but I have so many happy experiences that my past affects me much less than it used to. One thing someone here suggested that really helped me a ton was to just have it out with my abuser. I screamed & yelled & cursed & blamed at length. And when that wasn't enough, I went back 2 days later & screamed some more. After a third time, I finally got out all those things that had been eating away at me for so long. It was a huge weight off of me. The flashbacks still come at times, but the heavy weight that I had all the time, always feeling like somehow I still had to keep all these secrets, was gone. Maybe that could help you. idk.
Good luck with everything. Hang in there -- things really can get better.