I'm new, need some support.

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/6/2010 10:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there. I know it's a little frowned upon to join a new forum and dump all my feelings but I don't have anyone IRL for support and I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I searched for online support and this forum came up.

I would really appreciate some advice on what to do.

I have dysthymia, so it's not serious but I also have other low grade health problems (PCOS and IBS) and my husband has been diagnosed with Bipolar II. I've been trying to support him for a few years now but he's not interested in doing anything to help himself. He won't take any of his psychologist's suggestions onboard and is rejecting the strategies CBT is giving him. He says that CBT only works for 80% of people and that he's too analytical for it to work for him, so he's just relying on pills to get through each day.

He has made some bad financial decisions, so I have to work fulltime and I'm exhausted. I know, I need to suck it up - plenty of mothers have to work fulltime. I feel like it's impacting our 13 year old son negatively - he needs support at the moment too ... he finds my DH's behaviour hard to cope with sometimes. I wish I could be there for him more.

I'm also tired because of the pain (and interrupted sleep) the IBS is causing.

When my DH and I first started dating he told many, many serious lies. By the time they slowly came to the surface and I found out the truth we were married and expecting a baby. I feel like my life is based on lies and deception. I have stayed with him because deep down I love him and he says he needs my support. Also, he is a great Dad and I feel like our 13 year old's problems would get worse if we broke up.

Like I said, I'm feeling really overwhelmed with all the low grade stuff - it feels like it's piling up. I've had constant pain from the IBS for 2 months now, due to a flare up (no doubt caused by stress). The pain was so bad one night that I was being prepped to have my gallbladder out but the Dr couldn't find any stones during the ultrasound. So I promise that I'm not exaggerating how painful it is. I asked my husband if he could please support me and he told me he knows what he should say to make me feel better, but he doesn't feel any empathy for me. So I really feel alone. He admits that he sees us (his family) as another job, so I'm aware that we're a burden. I try to be less tired but when I get home from work if I sit down I can't get up again, I'm just so tired. I don't like it but I do have to ask him to help out around the house - he enjoys cooking, which is great. He says he'll help with cleaning up afterwards but he never does.

But in other ways I know he's trying to make it work. I mentioned the other day that I really enjoyed some juice I bought, then a few days later he got me some without me even asking. I try to eat a healthy diet, so when he got the kids some takeaway recently he got me sushi instead because he knew it was a better option. He does care. He's just overwhelmed in his own way. He works long hours too and his depression is much worse than mine.

Has anyone supported a spouse while they've been struggling to stay afloat themselves? Can you please give me some hints or tips on how to put my family first, instead of being focussed on how tough things are for me? Thanks for any suggestions.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 8/7/2010 2:38 AM (GMT -6)   
My finacee went through a rough spout of depression. I also suffer from it. I made him promise me that he wont do anything without calling me first. My mother for me, made me a book it listed pages of the alphabet, and under the proper letter, positive traights about myself. Keep doing things like what you are doing. Compliment things. He needs to know he is cared about and loved. Make sure to say I love you more too. Also maybe try to take a mini vacation. See if a family member can take your son for the weekend, and run off to the coast as a nice treat. Masahiro really liked it when I gave him my soul attention, even if it was just cuddling to a movie. He just liked the contact. If a mini vacation isnt an option, see about maybe one night out and go to the movies. Or do an in home thing. Also, keep reassuring him he can talk to you.
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
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getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 8/7/2010 8:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Watchingowls,

And welcome to the forum. I think you have been given some very good advice from smurf. But wondering if counseling would help you. You would get support and guidance with counseling.

Keep posting and let usknow how things are going.

Hugs to you, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 8/7/2010 8:36 AM (GMT -6)   
hi watchingowls, jamie here.

recently back in therapy, very extended break, it is helping me. all the best. the mad professor

-jamie ps welcome too!!
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